Unplug, Look Up and Converse: Restore Solitude and True Connection

Sherry Turkle speaks wise words when she says, “Always-on/always-on-you devices provide three powerful fantasies: that we will always be heard; that we can put our attention wherever we want it to be; and that we never have to be alone. Indeed our new devices have turned being alone into a problem that can be solved.”  …versus a mystery to be explored.

What would it mean to not be heard? How in control are you of where you place your attention? What does it mean to be alone?

Turkle’s written a book that explores how we are alone together. Technology’s promise is to support our lives by making the daily tasks of work and life easier.  This should free us up for more discretionary time – to create and be more present to ourselves and each other. It has the potential to bring us closer together. This is all good stuff. The problem is not with the technology but can be with us, the users, and how we interface with it.

Instead, sometimes we use technology to have little-to-no boundaries around our work/life. If not kept in-check, we can be addicted to our mobile devices – when we feel or have a fleeting thought, we express and update our social media status, with little mindful processing or editing inbetween. We can interface with ourselves and each other in ways where we want predictability, efficiency – to wrap things up fast, neat and tidy. We want to hit the delete button on our humanity function so we don’t have to deal in the ambiguous realm of what it means to be in true relationship. It can be emotional, messy and unpredictable. 

Technology gives us a feeling of being in control and a sense that we have a quality of communication and depth of connection that is not possible in sound bites over the air waves. Technology has it’s place but it should not replace face-to-face human relationships or real voice-to-voice dialogue. Looking into the eyes of your neighbor or co-worker is not the same as skyping them.

We can’t truly connect with others unless we are connected to ourselves. Solitude allows one to reflect and get to know themselves. This requires a deep, quiet listening. It facilitates a processing where we come to explore, discover and understand what we really think and feel about our lives. We hear our own voice versus allowing it to be obliterated or swayed by the din of social media.

When we have this connection within ourselves, we can be more present and connect with others in deeper and more meaningful ways.  When we don’t have this reservoir to draw from within, we look for it to be filled on the outside. A void within can never permanently be filled from outside and a danger is we can end up living someone else’s life versus aligning with our own.

I’ve come across a number of blogs recently where the blogger talks about feeling alone and his/her community of readers then say, “we love you.” Having a virtual life does not replace a real life in flesh. It seems spending REAL time with people is a lost commodity amidst mobile devices and constant social media chatter.

So, I invite you, on this day in spring (in the Western Hemisphere), to go outside and feel the grass beneath your toes, smell the bursting flowers and hear the birds chirp, and have a sit down. Soak in the sun or sit under the eaves in the rain. Just take it in and reflect. When you’ve sat a spell, go down the street to your neighbor or down the hall to your co-worker and have an old fashion conversation. Look into their eyes and ask about their day. Now, how do you feel? What additional information or insight did you receive?

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.               www.sagelead.com