Technology Changes The Way We Grieve

Todd Plitt gives a great depiction of how technology is changing the way we grieve. When referring to attending a funeral via live video stream, John Reed (a funeral director) says, “The new generation has grown up with this type of technology. As we move forward, we’re going to see more people who want to do this. The older people will die off, and their values will leave with them.” This was not necessary and extreme – especially given the topic!

I see nothing wrong with attending virtually if one absolutely cannot make it live. I would hope that this would not end up being the norm. Face-to-face human contact, particularly at a time like this, is very important to the bereaved. If human contact dies off, where are we as a species – too busy to take a break from our digital devices to be present?

Technology DOES have a place in the grief process – memories via Facebook (such as Angelo Merendino’s page dedicated to his wife who died of breast cancer), online blogs, guest books, etc. Just keep it in perspective.

A great example of this is when a member of my church lost her husband quickly and unexpectedly this year, someone organized a meal sign up for several months using meal-train. It eliminated the need for phone trees and increased efficiency – and facilitated sensitivity to the bereft’s grieving process. The griever puts their preferences online: how and when to deliver food (so she doesn’t have to be home) and dietary restrictions. The rest of the community signs up and delivers. The bereaved can have her space but also knows we are here if she wants to talk.

Grief is one of the rawest of emotions where you are cracked open and vulnerable. The process is unpredictable and painful. No machine can comfort you. Comments on your Facebook page help but when you shut down the computer if you don’t at some point have a human witness in flesh there with you to give you what you need – a hug, hold your hand, or to just listen – then you are at best prolonging your grief and at worst exacerbating your emotional state.

Nothing can ever replace mindful, compassionate presence. This is why we are messy human BEINGS versus efficient processing MACHINES.

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Why Kids Help Women Become Better Executives

Well, this is refreshing!  Women shouldn’t have to hide the fact that we are parents at work or feel that it takes away from our effectiveness. I agree with Sheryl Sandberg that being a parent, particularly a mom, is an advantage and fosters a range of capabilities from which our employers and clients benefit. And I believe that work helps with organization at home. If you don’t have time, here are the cliff notes:

1. Sustainable perspective – future generations, etc.

2 Flexiblity – moms wear all hats so are master adapters.

3. More accepting of other’s challenges – raising kids is a great experiment in human development, imperfection has to be tolerated or we go insane.

4. Letting others grow – our kids figure life out despite us!

5. Relief – being a mom is the hardest job in the world – having a break can be great for both mom and child(ren).

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Leadership and How You Derail

The Hogan Personality Inventory (HPI) is a measure of normal personality and is used to predict job performance. The HPI is an ideal tool to help you strengthen your employee selection, leadership development, succession planning, and talent management processes.

The HPI was the first inventory of normal personality based on the Five-Factor Model and developed specifically for the business community. The HPI is a high-quality psychometric evaluation of the personality characteristics necessary for success in careers, relationships, education, and life.

I often use this instrument with my executive coaching clients. The results are detailed and helpful indicators of behavioral tendencies and likely predictors of success in leadership roles. They also include information on ways you can derail if certain behaviors are not kept in check.

Although exaggerated to make the point, here are some fun video clips on derailers. I love the colorful one. Enjoy!

Relationships: Divorce and Death – Thoughts and Difficult Questions

When one is divorced, unfortunately there is a lot of societal judgment and shame. I like to think this is changing as we move collectively to supporting more truth, learning and authentic relationships. Leading parallel lives is easy. Truly intimate relationships are not easy, requiring sacrifice and compromise from both partners daily – in large and small ways. The reward is the promise of connection and an easier, more fulfilling life than if one were alone.

If one has worked hard in their relationship and the other person isn’t doing their part or there is abuse, then the choice to separate is life giving and healthy for both as it will catalyze some kind of change in both partners – such as peace, acceptance, responsibility (maybe anger!). I see all of it as a healing process. It is a death needing to be grieved: loss of a dream and a connection.

All grief requires support – time and space. After divorce what is reasonably sufficient time to expect someone to move on from the marriage and memories – 1, 2, 3 years – or should this be never? After all, there may have been some great times amidst the pain. The divorcee may still love their spouse and wished it had worked but knows it can’t for whatever reason. Also, they may have children together. When the divorcee remarries, is it okay to grieve that loss in front of their new partner or should they do this in private? If they are still grieving, what does this say – about them, their former marriage, their current marriage? Is it okay to still remember anniversaries and “the” court date (death of the marriage)? Some may celebrate the court date every year! How should the new spouse respond?

When one is widowed society gives unquestionable and ongoing compassion and support – forever. Maybe this is because in some sense the end of the relationship is outside the grieving spouse’s control and they didn’t want the connection to end. And, of course, others grieve the loss of the departed. Death removes all blemishes and strengthens the best virtues. The spouse left behind is a victim of circumstances and life changed whether they wanted it to or not. If the person remarries, is it okay to have this grief continue into the new marriage in front of the new spouse for many years or forever, or should the partner deal with their grief separately?  How should the new spouse respond?

Could it not be true with divorce, the partner also did not want the relationship to end and, either it was outside their control or they knew no other life affirming choice? Why are “divorced people” branded as failures versus courageous relationship warriors risking the absolute devastation of a broken heart for the promise of a healthier, more truthful life?

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

A Mother’s Love Knows No Boundaries: Link Between Mother’s Brain Waves and Baby’s Heart Waves

“A HeartMath^® IHM study showed that when a mother placed her attention on her infant, she became more sensitive to the subtle electromagnetic signals generated from the infant’s heart. The infant’s heart signal was clearly detected in the mother’s brainwaves.

Mysteries of the Heart

"It is not commonly known that a baby’s heart develops and begins beating in the fetus before the brain is formed. Or that the human heart possesses a complex energetic system that processes electromagnetic information that research shows can be detected up to three feet outside the body.

IHM’s research shows the heart produces 40 to 60 times more electrical amplitude than the brain. The heart acts like a director, and much of the rest of the human body follows its lead.

‘The heart puts out a powerful, rhythmic signal that the brain responds to,’ IHM Director of Research Dr. Rollin McCraty has explained. ‘In a way, we could say that the heart and brain ‘talk’ to one another, and together they set the rhythms for the entire nervous system and body.’

The heart also sends signals about how we feel. As we experience emotions such as happiness, sadness, love and fear, that emotional information is encoded in signals from the heart and projected around us.”

Christiane Northrup (a pioneer in Women’s Health) also cites studies that the baby’s cells can be detected in the mother’s blood for as long as 27 years of age after birth. This gives credence to why mother’s can also sense things in their young adult children. Incredible!

Whether it is the blood or the heart, there are biological reasons, not just emotional, as to why the mother/child connection is so strong. Happy Mother’s Day!

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.               www.sagelead.com

10 Strategies to Start a Business As a Teenager

Have a teen home for the summer? Give them a little light reading, a push and some inspiration: Check out Tina Wells’ tips on starting a business as a teenager.

While you are at it, also check out the Young Entrepreneur Council (YEC) – it’s an invite-only nonprofit organization geared toward young entrepreneurs. It promotes entrepreneurship as a solution to unemployment or under-employment providing tools, mentorship and resources that support each stage of the business’s development.

It’s never too early to start. All it takes is an idea, rock solid commitment, creativity and a lot of perspiration. 

Meditate in A Moment

Here is a fun video by Martin Boroson that introduces meditating in a simple and easy way. Whether you are an advanced meditator or have never meditated, take 5 minutes to watch this clip and sink back into your skin.

Meditating is particularly good for people who are busy, stressed or already successful. Meditation is a vital skill for the leader of the 21st century. It enables you to stay in the moment to best identify where your attention should be placed deliberately versus reacting to what shouts the loudest.

In an age of relentless competing attention, rachet it down. Just for today.

Enjoy.

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.               www.sagelead.com

Asana Part 2 – Social Entrepreneurism. What Would Buddha Say?

In my last post, I discuss Asana, the company. Founders, Moskovitz and Rosenstein are contributing to the global shift occurring on the planet right now that espouses we are interconnected, transitioning from me to we.  They are living their belief that they can turn a profit in a way that does the least harm and actually contributes to social good.

They believe groups create larger contributions to the world than individuals. They operate from the premise that all problems are solvable if we work together. “While corporations are excellent vehicles for collecting resources and making money to build better services, they are also excellent vehicles for creating joy and alleviating suffering.”

This sounds like Buddha in business attire.

Rubinstein says, “As a collective, co-creators do great things vs. human resources who extract things…. companies [should be] a means to an end to create joy on earth.”

Finally, they espouse a radical concept and departure from traditional corporate speak: Transparency of being – “let people be who they are…” don’t make them have to switch modes when they come to work.

What if you worked for a company that supported all of who you are? What if our corporate culture shifted from exploitation to working partnership to create life nurturing goods and services versus selling us things we don’t really need or want?

I heard a financial analyst the other day give an overview on his view of the economy. “We have been living beyond our means for 30 years.  We now have to lower our expectations.”

This we know. The real question is, can we come together as a nation, as a world and think differently about how we make money and about how much money we really need? Afterall, whatever you make, you can’t take it with you when you go.

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.               www.sagelead.com