Grief & Peace: Recovery and Re-emergence

In honor of Global Peace Day & The Autumnal Equinox, I am restarting my blog.

The last time I wrote was the day of the Sandy Hook tragedy. I live 10 minutes from there and know many people directly effected by the events and the lives lost. In the last three years, I’ve learned much about myself and my community’s capacity to be resilient, to move from grief to finding some peace.

The first step to world peace is to create more peace within yourself. As Gandhi said, “be the change you wish to see in the world.”

I don’t know if it’s possible to find absolute peace. Maybe the point is to find more peace, more often and experience it longer. What I do know is, fostering peace starts with owning your thoughts, feelings and reactions. When we can manage what goes on within ourselves, we can better manage our outer world. So too, events outside ourselves trigger thoughts and emotions, so it is a constant dynamic process tending to inner reactions and outer events.

At the time of Sandy Hook I was already awash in my own grief struggling to stay focused on work while I processed numerous simultaneous personal losses (including death of my father, a close friend, and estrangement from some family members). I do not mean to put my personal losses in the same category as Sandy Hook. This was a horrific event that sent shock waves around the world. My point is that, for me, it added to an already full cup of grief and pain I was processing.

In the weeks that followed, I wanted to help so volunteered my services (in addition to leadership consulting, I also teach yoga, meditation and do energy healing work). Giving service helped me process and put my own life in perspective. My neighbors got active as well. There was much advocacy done to reduce gun violence and better address mental health services. There is still much work to be done – but progress has been made. When people are angry and grieving healing can be facilitated by taking action.

If we can tend to what is within us with care, we are better able to attend to what lies before us and lead with a fuller heart. Today, we need leaders to not just have the mental capacity to solve complex problems but those who “get it” – who bring compassion so solutions are more sustainable for us and the planet.

As with many of my neighbors, I’ve gone through my own personal transformation. This means: trans – formed – to go beyond how you were formed. Inherent in this is a searching, questioning and an internal reconfiguring. This process can bring tears and the expression of strong emotions, not just rationally plowing through getting stuff done on the long “to do” list. We live in a popular culture that does not understand grief and value the internal life – how to tend to our “being” vs. “doing.”

Invitation: Take inventory this week and notice what is holding you back from feeling more at peace in your life? What needs tending to in your inner life? Do you have unexpressed grief? Are you driving yourself to get everything done but really feel depleted and drained?

Just notice what comes up. I will reflect on these questions as well and share in a post on Friday.

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