Achieving Success: Are You Sticking Your Neck Out Far Enough and Long Enough, Regardless of The Outcome?

“I learned I wasn’t in charge of success.  I was in charge of the process that hopefully would yield more success than failure.  I began to be guided by three navigational stakes:

1. My process and my diligence to execute was the best I could do.
2. My attitude and determination to remain positive and confident was a critical catalyst for my success.
3. My resiliency and ability to see failure as but a speed bump on the road to success allowed me to get back up when I was knocked down. “

These are keen insights from Peter Gruber, in his blog post: “Dealing With The Turkeys In Your Life.” At a time, when we are experiencing a lot of chaos, uncertainty and failure – by leaders, corporations and organizations – it’s important to take a longer-term perspective and understand the science of success. You cannot omit failure from the equation, particularly if you are wrestling with building alternative solutions in a complex and changing landscape.

The key is accepting and working with this reality, learning to play and keep your ego in check. Really living like you can’t control others and events, is the first step to wisdom. Acting on what you can control and accepting what you can’t is necessary to taking control of your life or your organization. Anyone in sales will tell you, being successful is a numbers game.

I hate sports analogies but a baseball one is helpful here: the more times up at bat the greater your opportunity to score runs. The more you risk, the greater your chances of succeeding are. This also raises your chance of failing as well. Babe Ruth, an American baseball player who, in his day, beat the record for highest number of homeruns, also had a significantly high number of strikeouts. Why? Every time he was up at bat he gave it his all and was trying for the homerun. His homerun to hits was about 3:1.

If you aren’t risking and sticking your neck out until you feel uncertain, then you are missing an opportunity for real growth – which always lies beyond that which you know or have mastered. Once you’ve done your due diligence and analysis, any decision has an element of artistry or judgment. These days that element may be more pronounced. Failure must accompany sustained or repeated success. Accept this and move on.

It’s not about never failing but asking yourself, what do you do when you fail? Cover it up, rationalize it or own it. How do you learn from it and incorporate it into you how you move forward? What kind of support do you need to increase and sustain the amount of time you are stretched out on a limb?

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Humble Listening #3 – WHEN to Listen Humbly?

So we’ve discussed WHAT listening humbly IS and HOW to do it in posts earlier this week.

Now, let’s talk about times WHEN it is needed.

Well, the short answer is: ALL the time. When is it NOT helpful?

AND, here are a few key times:

1. When you have to influence a colleague or key constituent. To do so, you need to focus on the whats and hows:

a. Content: Make sure you understand their point of view.

b. Relationship: Make sure they feel heard, that you “get it.”

2. When you need to have your constituents understand your vision or buy into your plan of action:

a. You need to make sure you understand their concerns, paradigm, viewpoints so you can best tailor your messages in language and currency that matters to them most and they can best understand.

3. When you find yourself having a strong emotional reaction. This can result in your shutting out new information or alienating others and damaging important relationships:

a. This is what, in neuroscience terms, is referred to as, your amygdala has just been hijacked. As Dr. Relly Nadler states, “The “amygdala hijack” is a term coined in Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence, his first book on the subject. The amygdala is the emotional part of the brain, which regulates the fight or flight response. When threatened, it can respond irrationally. A rush of stress hormones floods the body before the prefrontal lobes (regulating executive function) can mediate this reaction.”

b. The key point here is: we all have our triggers and our moments. You want to make sure you are proactive about identifying them earlier, more often and managing them more closely. Committing to practicing humble listening is one way that you can prevent hijacking. When you feel the temperature start to rise, take a deep, full-chested breath and ask a clarifying question to seek more information.

Stay tuned for more on the Amygdala Hijacking in next post…

Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Humble Listening #2 – Operator’s Manual on HOW to Listen Humbly

Building on yesterday’s post, here is an Operator’s Manual on HOW to listen humbly:

1. Check your ego at the door. It’s more important that your colleague thinks what a great listener you are, then how smart you are.

2. Get curious. Wonder. Inquire.

3. Seek to understand – from THEIR point of view.

4. Stop. Be quiet. Allow them to respond. Sit on your hands if you need to!

5. Paraphrase/summarize what your colleague is saying in your own words. This will force you to stay with them.

6. Listen at deeper layers of meaning and inference. The deeper your go with adding what you are inferring and what meaning you attach to what they are saying, the more fruitful the information.

7. Seek confirmation. Make sure you have accurately captured what they are saying– that you’ve got it right. Ask: “Is this accurate?” “Is this what you mean?” They will confirm or correct you.

8. Do NOT move on until you get the “yes”. There can be no “no,” objection or advocacy on your part until you get the “yes”. This means that you have actually listened AND understood them.

9. Once, you’ve got it – THEN go to action, telling – or whatever is appropriate.

This dynamic of alternating between advocating, inquiring, reflecting – should be fluid and organic, as a conversation is. If you are trying some new skills for the first time, it might feel a little stilted at first. With practice, over time, it will be more smooth.

As you do your daily listening workout, make sure you have a trusted advisor to give you in-the-moment feedback on how WELL you are PRACTICING listening – and humbly. One cannot be an accurate gauge on their own humility. I call this person a “street coach” – someone who is there with you in the trenches on a daily basis.

Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Humble Listening #1 – A Key Leadership Competency

I agree with GE’s Jeff Immelt that Humble Listening is a key competency for leading today.

In an HBR article, Ram Charan points out that listening is a discipline. This implies it requires a level of rigor and sustained practice over time: keeping the intent to practice at the forefront of your mind, doing it, and proactively seeking feedback and incorporating the feedback for refined practice.

I’d like to focus on: what does it mean to listen humbly and how do you do it?

Be honest, don’t you often find yourself listening to someone with a biased view – looking for the “in,” so you can figure out how you need to tailor what you say – to persuade, inform or get yourself heard? This is really advocating in disguise. Advocating is telling, not listening. We rarely listen or listen actively with a truly curious, open mind, putting our needs/views aside.

Merriam Webster’s defines listening as “To give ear to…To hear something with thoughtful attention. To be alert to…” If we give someone our ear, it means that THEY are filling us with information that we need to process. If we are alert and paying attention, we are not assuming what they are going to say but are with them in the moment.

Think about it energetically as to how much you are taking in or pushing out information. Telling is pushing out. Asking and reflecting are taking in. A 30/70 ratio probably is more suitable for the humble listener. Afterall, we do have ONE mouth and TWO ears.

What does it mean to be humble? To listen without arrogance, believing that you don’t have all the answers. To listen without aggression. The notion of taking in implies a receiving, more passive state.

If you haven’t emptied yourself, then you can’t take in. Active listening is taking in, pausing, reflecting and digesting the information. Then you verify for correct receiving, that you have heard the speaker accurately.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post –  Humble Listening #2 – Operator’s Manual on HOW to Listen Humbly.

Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

“A Brand Is Shorthand For What You Are.”

As spoken so eloquently by Lois Geller. If you have a strong brand – when someone sees your logo, hears your name or the name of your company, they immediately have a gestalt of who you are and what you are about. They have a visceral, emotional connection to the essence of what your brand represents.

Lois goes on to say that a great brand has a “patina” on it. This is a film on a bronze or copper piece that lets you know it’s an authentic antique. Strong brands have an authenticity about them that allows you to instantly identify them amidst the clutter of competing attention. There is an implicit trust that your brand will deliver on what you promise.

Here at Sage Leadership, we strive to represent wisdom, truth, honesty: to embody these qualities ourselves and to help you discover and live these values, particularly while you grapple with complex, difficult issues. If they were easy, you wouldn’t need help! It is at these times when you are tested the most, that you can be tempted to compromise.

We define these “values in action” as:

Wisdom – culling lessons learned from your experiences and applying them going forward to enhance your results – doing this with head and heart.

Truth – identifying and sharing what is real and true for you based on your current facts and perceptions.

Honesty – being fair, straightforward and sincere in all dealings.

In our view, whether you are an individual or an organization, consistently actioning these values is the only path to sustainable growth over time.

Living these values during difficult times is the true test of leadership because real growth is hard! Growth is rarely a linear, smooth path, so it requires your steadfast commitment. It is truly a sage leader who can uphold these values under pressure and hardship.

We hope this is your experience with us.

What are some of the most powerful brands that speak to you?

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.