Follow up Friday: With Strategy, The Key Word is We

This week’s reflection question was: It’s great to have a strategy but the bigger question is, now what? How do we make it come to life? (Please note, this was written on Friday but published today:) ).

I noticed I framed this questions differently than previous weeks. Instead of asking “you," I asked “we.” When setting and executing on strategy, this is a key word. No one has all the information on what is going on in the market, with your customers or how to get people to get stuff done. You need coordinated activities that deliver value in the places you want to.

This all seems obvious, but the smarter, more insightful and more ambitious you are, the more at a disadvantage you may be if you think you have all the answers! Especially today, with so much change and disruption in business, you really need everyone in sync with each other and staying focused on the right goals.

I was struck this week, in dialogue with clients, how often they believe that everyone has the same understanding they do –on what it is the organization is trying to achieve and how their job contributes. Lack of clarity is both, one of the biggest reasons why organizations fail to effectively execute on their strategy, and also one of the biggest levers you can use to get people more aligned.

This requires work. It requires engaging in an ongoing dialogue with your leaders and employees. Notice I say dialogue, not communication. Too often leaders say something – they speak it – and believe it is done or that people have understood. The notion of dialogue is that it is ongoing and entails a back and forth and testing of understanding. It’s a commitment and requires deep listening and presence.

This leads to making sure people buy-in to what they need to be doing and why. All of this is a process – day-to-day – that is required to not only get people on board, but keep them there. Strategy is never a “one and done” situation. It’s a more of, “here we are again – what does this mean, and how do we move forward knowing what we now know?”

© Copyright 2016 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Follow up Friday: Decrease Assumptions With Pilot Checklist

This week’s reflection questions: Where can you be more curious in your work? Where do you need to go back to basics to uncover what is really going on? How does this serve you in being the expert?

This week I gave a presentation to a mix group of small business owners and organizational leaders from for-profit and non-profit organizations. What they all have in common is they were looking for ways to create better engagement with their employees.

The focus of the talk was on a very practical model that explains the key levers leaders need to consider when looking to impact the climate they create in their organization. I know this model well, having used it for fifteen years with thousands of leaders around the globe.

The workshop participants were learning the model for the first time. Their questions and “aha’s” are always fun and interesting, and it keeps the model fresh for me. More importantly, it keeps me fresh for my clients in that it allows me to see different ways the challenges and levers manifest in their situations.

As participants shared, I found myself “pegging” their issues – oh they are dealing with x and y, etc. But then I took a moment to pause and really appreciate the depth of what they were wrestling with. What I didn’t know was the specifics of each of their stories at that point. In these dialogues I am reminded that when I make assumptions about their orientation or what exists or doesn’t exist in their organizations, I can be wrong and can lose the connection with a potential client.

I was reminded to keep my assumptions in check, and in so doing I thought of the benefit of a pilot’s practice and mindset which is engaged before each flight. Pilot’s go through an exhaustive checklist of functions they need to perform before the plane takes off. It is a protocol, a discipline, a ritual – and corners should not be cut lest the oversight leads to an error in the plane’s functioning, potentially endangering the passenger’s lives.

I reminded myself to think of the discovery process with a potential client as a ritual where I make a point to ask certain questions and keep the ratio of my talking to actively listening to them in check (30% me talking, 70% them).

As a successful consultant and coach, I have demonstrated competency in these areas but I can’t take them for granted or get sloppy. I have found this to be particularly true in areas where I pride myself on being capable. Paradoxically, it can be in these very areas that I have blindspots, especially when I am so sure about my assessment.

Going back to basic questions as a foundational practice was reinforced for me. I think of it like my pilot’s protocol to be implemented in almost a meditative way that focuses on the practice of it versus being goal-driven. It’s equivalent to the concept in meditation practice of having a beginner’s mind.

Discovery invites curiosity. Assessment implies certainty and closure. I need to make sure to keep the aperture on my inquiry open long enough to see clearly the nuances of a situation. This is particularly true when I am looking at the complexity of people and organizational dynamics.

Where can you reinforce or remind yourself of your back to basics practice with your craft – to hone your expertise further?

© Copyright 2016 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved

Follow up Friday: Behavior Matters

Monday’s reflection questions were: What do you value? What makes you happy? What factors enable you to be most productive?

Here is what I noticed in myself and others this week: We can say we value something but our behavior shows what we really value. What we do tells others what is important to us. Look at your calendar and you’ll discover what is really important to you versus what you tell yourself or others. Time tells all.

I can say I value a relationship – with a friend or a spouse – but if I don’t make time to spend quality moments with them, you have to wonder how important they are to me. This goes for any relationship – a colleague, boss or customer. I can say I value their opinion but if I consistently don’t listen to what they have to say, or validate or act on what they have to say, one has to wonder.

Here is what I noticed this week: I value honest relationships where I can be authentic, speak my truth and be respected and validated for it. It doesn’t mean we have to agree but I am seen and heard. This makes me happy – when I am celebrated in this way. When this happens, I can be more productive and go about my day because I am not fighting to be heard or taken seriously or worried about why I revealed that part of myself.

I know I am not alone in this regard. The research validates that teams who not only respect individual differences, but seek they them out and celebrate them, experience several benefits: they have better solutions because everybody is not trying to be an expert in every area and they are able to leverage different perspectives; People feel good about being on the team because they feel respected, even if they aren’t social buddies.

What makes me most productive is working with, and being supported by, people who I experience mutual respect with: we value our unique contributions by soliciting each other’s perspective and listening.

© Copyright 2016 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Leadership, Trauma and the Capacity to Stay Present Amidst Tragedy

What the President secretly did at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

Wow. This made me sob.

Thank you Joshua Dubois for giving us a peek into the character of President Obama.

I don’t care what anyone thinks of his politics – for or against – Doing a good job or not.

This man is an amazing human being – To have the strength, authenticity, compassion and tenderness of heart to hold these people’s unfathomable pain in the midst of such tragic loss.

This is what a great leader does: listens, is present, and can bear the unbearable for those he serves. On this day three years ago, President Obama was heroic.

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Magic Monday: Leadership & Trauma

 Words of Manic Monday by The Bangles and modified by Susan Shaner. Musician: Dan Brodax.

Where can you find the magic at work today?

Today is the third anniversary of Sandy Hook. I am particularly aware of this since I live 15 minutes from the school. When traumas of this nature strike, we are effected on all levels. In the case of Sandy Hook, it hit such a chord because of the nature of it: young, innocent school children sitting in their classroom learning. It undermined the inherent trust we, as parents, have in society when we send our child to school everyday.

First, your mind tries to process what really happened. Then you are overcome with shock, anger, sadness, grief – a range of emotions. These become physical and manifest in the body if not fully processed. Getting clear on your emotions and expressing and releasing them is the way to not have any negative emotions lodge themselves in a vulnerable spot in your body and surface weeks or months down the road via illness or disease.

Leaders are not immune from the stress and effects of trauma. The difference is they have more pressure because all eyes are on them and they have to react in a timely and thoughtful manner. They are responsible, which means having the ability to respond. At a time when they may be experiencing all the emotions of the average person – they have to ensure their frontal lobe – rational brain – is working on all cylinders. So it doesn’t mean they don’t feel to the depths or in ways others do. It’s more a question of what do they do with those feelings and when and how they process them. 

I heard that one of the first responders to Sandy Hook, a professional with many years experience, handed in his resignation immediately after responding to the scene. It was more than he could bear. Everyone has a different capacity to handle such trauma and you never know what your capacity is, until you are confronted with it.

Some people choose professions where managing trauma is a daily occurrence – therapists, doctors, EMTs to name a few. Being an elementary school teacher is a profession where you would not expect to be confronted with trauma on a daily basis. Yet many of those teachers instinctually rose to the occasion – because they put survival and protection before anything else in that moment. In order to do this, parts of the brain have to shutdown. Otherwise, the individual would be overcome with the horrors. Developing strength, resiliency and the ability to compartmentalize are core skills needed for all leaders today in order to navigate crises and traumas so you can effectively lead people to safe solutions. 

Three years from Sandy Hook and sixteen years from Columbine and we still have a serious problem with guns and violence in this country. We all need to help our elected officials better problem solve this issue. In times of crisis and with complex problems, we need deep reflection, engagement and open dialogue to come up with viable, sustainable solutions.

This week’s reflection: Where are you challenged in your own leadership with bouncing back from set backs or traumatic events? What can you do to foster more open dialogue and listening in situations that involve tension or trauma?

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Follow up Friday: How Do You Stay Dialed In?

Listen to Post

Monday I asked you to reflect on where you can more closely align your passion with your leadership or how you can unleash other people’s passion and leadership. How do you say dialed into passion?

Here is what I noticed: While passion is an emotion, it starts and ends with the mind. Many of us have the tape running in our head that says, “this is what I LOVE to do…but this is what I HAVE to do.”

This is a mindset – a setting or set of messages in our inner landscape that is based on who we inherently are and our conditioning (messages others have given us). This statement says I can’t do what I love.

When your mind clicks into what you love, you know it, you feel it. When you are not in this space, it’s usually because you have given permission for someone else’s voice to override you. Claim yourself. Claim your passion.

It’s not an either/or situation. We all have things we don’t like to do but have to. When you approach the “HAVE Tos” from the perspective of being in your passion, they are easier to do, because you are loving the ride. It is a matter of degree.

Living in your passion 80% of the time, gives you the energy and positive attitude to address the 20% of tasks you don’t like. If the situation is reversed and you are spending 80% of your time on things you don’t like to do, then naturally you are going to experience a slew of negative thoughts and feelings (boredom, anger, depression, resentment) that will leave you stuck or in a downward spiral.

Passion is your greatest leverage and inoculation against being overwhelmed by challenge. Life can be hard. Who wouldn’t welcome more ease and flow? When you are dialed directly into your passion, it effects everyone around you and compounds the collective energy.

How do I stay dialed in?

I NOTICE where my mind goes and I am VIGILANT about LISTENING to my inner thermostat and RESETTING the dial when I need to turn up the heat. I NOTICE and LISTEN to what excites other people and ADJUST my actions to better support them.

How do you stay dialed in?

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Humble Listening #3 – WHEN to Listen Humbly?

So we’ve discussed WHAT listening humbly IS and HOW to do it in posts earlier this week.

Now, let’s talk about times WHEN it is needed.

Well, the short answer is: ALL the time. When is it NOT helpful?

AND, here are a few key times:

1. When you have to influence a colleague or key constituent. To do so, you need to focus on the whats and hows:

a. Content: Make sure you understand their point of view.

b. Relationship: Make sure they feel heard, that you “get it.”

2. When you need to have your constituents understand your vision or buy into your plan of action:

a. You need to make sure you understand their concerns, paradigm, viewpoints so you can best tailor your messages in language and currency that matters to them most and they can best understand.

3. When you find yourself having a strong emotional reaction. This can result in your shutting out new information or alienating others and damaging important relationships:

a. This is what, in neuroscience terms, is referred to as, your amygdala has just been hijacked. As Dr. Relly Nadler states, “The “amygdala hijack” is a term coined in Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence, his first book on the subject. The amygdala is the emotional part of the brain, which regulates the fight or flight response. When threatened, it can respond irrationally. A rush of stress hormones floods the body before the prefrontal lobes (regulating executive function) can mediate this reaction.”

b. The key point here is: we all have our triggers and our moments. You want to make sure you are proactive about identifying them earlier, more often and managing them more closely. Committing to practicing humble listening is one way that you can prevent hijacking. When you feel the temperature start to rise, take a deep, full-chested breath and ask a clarifying question to seek more information.

Stay tuned for more on the Amygdala Hijacking in next post…

Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Humble Listening #2 – Operator’s Manual on HOW to Listen Humbly

Building on yesterday’s post, here is an Operator’s Manual on HOW to listen humbly:

1. Check your ego at the door. It’s more important that your colleague thinks what a great listener you are, then how smart you are.

2. Get curious. Wonder. Inquire.

3. Seek to understand – from THEIR point of view.

4. Stop. Be quiet. Allow them to respond. Sit on your hands if you need to!

5. Paraphrase/summarize what your colleague is saying in your own words. This will force you to stay with them.

6. Listen at deeper layers of meaning and inference. The deeper your go with adding what you are inferring and what meaning you attach to what they are saying, the more fruitful the information.

7. Seek confirmation. Make sure you have accurately captured what they are saying– that you’ve got it right. Ask: “Is this accurate?” “Is this what you mean?” They will confirm or correct you.

8. Do NOT move on until you get the “yes”. There can be no “no,” objection or advocacy on your part until you get the “yes”. This means that you have actually listened AND understood them.

9. Once, you’ve got it – THEN go to action, telling – or whatever is appropriate.

This dynamic of alternating between advocating, inquiring, reflecting – should be fluid and organic, as a conversation is. If you are trying some new skills for the first time, it might feel a little stilted at first. With practice, over time, it will be more smooth.

As you do your daily listening workout, make sure you have a trusted advisor to give you in-the-moment feedback on how WELL you are PRACTICING listening – and humbly. One cannot be an accurate gauge on their own humility. I call this person a “street coach” – someone who is there with you in the trenches on a daily basis.

Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Humble Listening #1 – A Key Leadership Competency

I agree with GE’s Jeff Immelt that Humble Listening is a key competency for leading today.

In an HBR article, Ram Charan points out that listening is a discipline. This implies it requires a level of rigor and sustained practice over time: keeping the intent to practice at the forefront of your mind, doing it, and proactively seeking feedback and incorporating the feedback for refined practice.

I’d like to focus on: what does it mean to listen humbly and how do you do it?

Be honest, don’t you often find yourself listening to someone with a biased view – looking for the “in,” so you can figure out how you need to tailor what you say – to persuade, inform or get yourself heard? This is really advocating in disguise. Advocating is telling, not listening. We rarely listen or listen actively with a truly curious, open mind, putting our needs/views aside.

Merriam Webster’s defines listening as “To give ear to…To hear something with thoughtful attention. To be alert to…” If we give someone our ear, it means that THEY are filling us with information that we need to process. If we are alert and paying attention, we are not assuming what they are going to say but are with them in the moment.

Think about it energetically as to how much you are taking in or pushing out information. Telling is pushing out. Asking and reflecting are taking in. A 30/70 ratio probably is more suitable for the humble listener. Afterall, we do have ONE mouth and TWO ears.

What does it mean to be humble? To listen without arrogance, believing that you don’t have all the answers. To listen without aggression. The notion of taking in implies a receiving, more passive state.

If you haven’t emptied yourself, then you can’t take in. Active listening is taking in, pausing, reflecting and digesting the information. Then you verify for correct receiving, that you have heard the speaker accurately.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post –  Humble Listening #2 – Operator’s Manual on HOW to Listen Humbly.

Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.