A Leader’s Job: Holding Anxiety While Making Wise Decisions

President Obama’s Commentary on Syrian Refugee Crisis

I have always considered myself to be a-political, but I am also someone who fights for causes I believe in. Regardless of where you stand on Obama’s position, or the situation in the Middle East and Paris, here is what struck me about this clip:

The job of a leader is to hold and transform the anxiety that’s coming at them from all directions: from the people they lead and those they don’t lead, but who are watching closely.

The energy of anxiety is really about fear of the future. No one can predict the future accurately 100% of the time – not even those who claim to be psychic. A leader assesses the situation and makes his best decision based upon the information he has in that moment. He never has all the information he wants. Given the volatility and magnitude of suffering in the world, a lot can change in a day, an hour, a minute.

During much of Obama’s challenging tenure, I have found his approach to be inspiring. While I don’t always agree with where he lands, I do find that he tries to view complex situations from many angles, using logic and usually keeping a measured, calm exterior. These are attributes you expect in a Chief Executive.

My intent is not to get into a political discussion, but to provoke self-reflection – think about areas where you lead people in your life – your family, your organization or your community. It’s easy to lead when things are going well. The true test of leadership is in the most challenging of times. People gladly try to push their own anxiety onto others because it is so uncomfortable. And it’s easy to be critical of a leader when you aren’t the one leading a very tense, difficult situation.

When your own anxiety is high, it can be near impossible to be in a wise, open, creative space, so self-management is key. How do you hold and manage your own stress and that of others? What do you do to manage your anxiety when the pressure is on? What do you do to reduce other people’s anxiety, while giving them faith and hope in your proposed direction?

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Conditioning, Commitment & The Negative Mind

While I have been writing in this blog twice a week for a couple months now, for the next 30 days (December 17th), I am challenging myself to write a post every day.

When I first committed to this, my negative mind kicked-in reeling with messages: oh no! What will I write about? How will I get my other work done? Can I really do this? What if I don’t do this – or miss some days? I’ll figure it out. I’ll work it out. Yes. Life will go on.

Our negative mind serves us well in that it is our more primitive brain, wired for survival. It’s designed to protect us from harm or death. It worked well when we were hunting in the jungle. While life in the workplace may feel like a jungle at times, rarely are we in physical harm. Although psychological or emotional harm can happen, often it is imagined.

I not only committed to do this to myself, but also to a blogger community – and now you. Full disclosure. So I will! I’m up against the conditioning of a thought pattern I am working with – What is enough?

Once I made, what I perceive to be, a huge commitment, I stopped breathing and asked myself – do I really want to do this? What value will this bring? For my audience – I aspire to provocative thought, insight and practical tips on leadership, wellness and self management – better managing your own energy for optimal outcomes. For myself – strengthen my writing, creativity and resourcefulness muscles.

I hope you will accompany me on this journey. What is enough? Bring it on! One thing I know for sure – one post a day is more than enough for me.

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Magic Monday: Part 2 of 3 – One Thought Experiment: Analyzing Your Conditioning

Words of Manic Monday by The Bangles and modified by Susan Shaner. Musician: Dan Brodax.

Where can you find the magic at work today?

Last week I asked you to notice your repetitive thought patterns. This raises your awareness, without judgment, about the thoughts that underlie your behavior.

I took it a step further and noted my thought pattern of “the enoughs” (be enough, have enough, do enough) wasn’t helpful. In this instance, when you identify a pattern that is not helpful or affirming, I recommend shifting it. The next step in shifting it is to understand the roots and the extensions of this thought.

The roots: Where does your thought pattern come from?

Most of the time, our thoughts are conditioned into us from external sources that are always sending us messages about how to think or behave, what’s acceptable, what we should want, etc. Often this conditioning hits us at an unconscious level. There are layers to this conditioning. Sources could be your parents, your family, the environment you grew up in, the culture you grew up in or currently live in, your schooling, your religion, the company or organization you work for, the media and so on.

The extensions: What memories or associations do you have with this thought? A thought evokes further thoughts or judgments or emotions. You could think the thought is a good or bad one. The thought might makes you happy, energized, angry or sad.

This week’s reflection: Explore and understand the thought pattern you noticed last week more deeply by analyzing you conditioning – where it originated from, and noting what subsequent thoughts or feelings emerge from holding this thought. Is this thought pattern helpful to you or not?

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Follow up Friday: Noticing is Hard!!

On Monday, I asked you to JUST NOTICE. NOTHING ELSE!

Nothing to do or not do.

Just notice your thoughts.

How hard is this and not do anything about them?

How hard is this – and then to manage the emotions that surface as a result of these thoughts?

Hard.

Which is why we often would rather “dumb down.”
Aka Not pay attention.

When we pay attention, we notice things that may be hard …

Or we don’t like…
Or we want to change…
Or, etc.

Thoughts can bring up anxiety, fears and all sorts of emotions and judgments.

For me, I noticed I still have some residual of a thought pattern I have been working on for a while now. Sometimes these patterns can clear completely and sometimes they linger and are part of an enduring life lesson.

For me the recurring theme of thoughts had the word “enough” in it…. Be enough, have enough, do enough, earn enough, have enough stuff, etc… It was all about needing more of something. Wow, that can be exausting – to have it constantly running in the foreground or background of my mind. At some level, always nagging me.

Guess what I learned? I’m not alone! I have company with family, friends and clients who are also playing this broken record.

Time to shift it!

On Monday we’ll talk about the next step in creating a shift…

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Magic Monday: Part 1 of 3 – One Thought Experiment: Noticing

Words of Manic Monday by The Bangles and modified by Susan Shaner. Musician: Dan Brodax.

Where can you find the magic at work today?

One of the most significant things I’ve learned is: 95% of our thoughts are repetitive. We keep telling ourselves the same thing over and over and over again. This one thought, or pattern of thinking, is always working on us – either in the foreground or background of our mind – consciously or unconsciously. This thinking pattern creates our world – always moving us toward what it is we keep telling ourselves.

I’m a yoga and meditation teacher. This is not my day job but a part-time vocation that supports me and my work as a leadership and success coach. The tools enable me to live a more empowered life by giving me more clarity, focus and peace everyday. Once I experienced such benefits myself, I felt called to teach others. So, teaching was not a goal I set out to accomplish. It emerged and evolved from my own painful journey of learning how to define and achieve success on my terms, not necessarily how society defines it.

My invitation to you is to work with this concept that your mind is largely ruled by this one thought, or a pattern of thinking, that is either serving you in where you want to go – or not. This is a three-week journey we are embarking upon – a little experiment to make headway in managing your mind to work more effectively for you.

This week’s assignment is to JUST NOTICE. Just notice what the thought or thought pattern is. When your boss comes gives you a new assignment…when your spouse throws a surprise at you…when you are confronted with a challenge at home or at work…When you have nothing in particular going on, where does your mind go?

Just NOTICE, nothing else. You may want to keep a notepad or journal with you to take notes. At first, you may not notice a pattern – but keep tracking and I’ll follow up and check-in Friday.

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Follow up Friday: Being Liked Or Respected – Can You Be Both?

This week’s question: What conditioning supports or impedes you in accomplishing what you want?

Here’s is what I noticed with one of my clients who is struggling with her leadership team. She really wants to be like, and for people to love working for her. She feels her leadership team is holding her back by not being proactive and not doing what they say they will do. So, this week we explored the difference between being nurturing and holding people accountable.

She said she didn’t have any female role models who could do both – women are either too nurturing and pushovers or too firm and called b—hes for being assertive. What does this story have to do with conditioning? Everything! We have a cultural, collective conditioning around gender stereotypes.

Why is it not okay for a woman leader to be both nurturing and assertive in holding people accountable? How can women do this? Of course this applies to men also – stereotypically men are more comfortable in holding people accountable than being nurturing.

Keeping either men or women stuck in one of these ways of being is not helpful. We need both men and women leaders to exercise both characteristics – nurture and develop their people – but also be firm and hold them accountable when they haven’t done something that they need to do or the way in which they need to do it.

Another way to explore these two polarities is to wrestle with the question how can you be liked and also be respected for making tough decisions?

In the case of my client, She is making progress on her pattern of not acting on what she knows she needs to do. Do you have a pattern of behaving that is getting in the way of your success? Do you need help replacing it with a more effective pattern? If so, I’d love to hear from you and see how I can help.

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Magic Monday: What’s Conditioning Go To Do With It?

Words of Manic Monday by The Bangles and modified by Susan Shaner. Musician: Dan Brodax.

Where can you find the magic at work?

Last week we talked about how terror makes you acutely aware of your gap: how far you are from where you want to be. Today I am asking you to analyze how your conditioning supports or impedes your ability to close that gap. The belief that you can or can’t do something is a huge factor in your success.

I always told my daughter she was smart and creative and if she worked hard enough, she could do or be anything she set her mind to. When she was 7 or 8 years old, she was trying to unfasten the bolt on the handlebars on her bicycle so we could raise it. It was really stuck. She began grunting and groaning trying with all her might to loosen it. I tried and realized it was stronger than both of us. She pulled the bike back from me. I asked her to let my friend, Dan, try as the bolt was really stuck.

She wouldn’t let go of the bike. I said, “It’s too hard. Let him do it.”

She screamed in agonizing frustration, “NOOOO!!!! I can do it!!! You always told me I could do anything!”

Stopped in my tracks, my mind raced. She was resilient and strong-willed – a good thing. How do I help her understand when to persevere against all odds, when to accept help and when to accept the limitations of her ability in an empowered way? Big questions for a young girl and even bigger questions that we live with as adults.

My daughter is now a freshwoman at a highly competitive college, so clearly she got past the defeat of the bicycle. Since, she and I have had dozens of conversations about navigating what I call the discernment space: how to know when you need to push forward – work harder, smarter or be more disciplined – and when you need to let go and accept help or give up and realize your limitations and cull the learnings to move forward differently.

This week’s reflection question: What conditioning supports or impedes you in accomplishing what you want?

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.