Leadership and Your Amygdala

The amygdala is an almond-shaped structure that sits in the front part of the temporal lobe of the brain, as part of the limbic system. It performs a primary role in processing of memory and emotional reactions. The reactions could be positive or negative emotions that can be instantaneous and overwhelming depending upon the stimuli and your associations to the stimuli.

There are few downsides to strong positive emotional reactions when leading people. Strong negative emotions could be anger or frustration or an inappropriate degree or expression of these emotions based on present circumstances. Obviously when leading people these kind of reactions can cause damage to your relationships.

When you have been “hijacked” by your amygdala you are in the full throws of an irrational emotional reaction which means your executive functioning has shut down. Your emotions are in control of you versus you managing them. “Amygdala hijack” is a term that Daniel Goldman coined in his book Emotional Intelligence.

Here are a few things you can do to prevent or minimize your reactions and/or recover more quickly once you realize you’ve been hijacked:

In the moment, to recover:

1. Work on your physiology. Take a deep breath in to the count of 8, hold your breath for 8, breath out for 8 and hold your breath out for 8.

2. Place your hands in front of your solar plexus with all your fingertips touching (thumb to thumb, pinky to pinky, etc.). Take a deep breath in at the count of 4 through your mouth like you are sucking on a cool mint. Hold your breath for 16 counts. Exhale through your nose at 8 counts. Do this for at least 3 cycles.

3. Laugh. At first it will be a forced laugh. Stick with it for 20 seconds and typically it will move to a genuine laugh with others joining you – and not knowing why! This breaks up your energy and re-orients you and those around you.

4. If none of the above work, then physically remove yourself from the situation, preferably going for a walk in fresh air. It will clear your mind and channel your physical energy.

For prevention: longer-term, start to notice what triggers intense reactions in you and work to minimize the associations and reactions.

1. Explore what memories they are associated to and reprogram yourself with positive associations.

2. Develop a strong positive mantra (statement of affirmation) that you repeat to yourself in the moment to thwart an attack.

3. Meditate – this can reset your neural set point.

Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Humble Listening #3 – WHEN to Listen Humbly?

So we’ve discussed WHAT listening humbly IS and HOW to do it in posts earlier this week.

Now, let’s talk about times WHEN it is needed.

Well, the short answer is: ALL the time. When is it NOT helpful?

AND, here are a few key times:

1. When you have to influence a colleague or key constituent. To do so, you need to focus on the whats and hows:

a. Content: Make sure you understand their point of view.

b. Relationship: Make sure they feel heard, that you “get it.”

2. When you need to have your constituents understand your vision or buy into your plan of action:

a. You need to make sure you understand their concerns, paradigm, viewpoints so you can best tailor your messages in language and currency that matters to them most and they can best understand.

3. When you find yourself having a strong emotional reaction. This can result in your shutting out new information or alienating others and damaging important relationships:

a. This is what, in neuroscience terms, is referred to as, your amygdala has just been hijacked. As Dr. Relly Nadler states, “The “amygdala hijack” is a term coined in Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence, his first book on the subject. The amygdala is the emotional part of the brain, which regulates the fight or flight response. When threatened, it can respond irrationally. A rush of stress hormones floods the body before the prefrontal lobes (regulating executive function) can mediate this reaction.”

b. The key point here is: we all have our triggers and our moments. You want to make sure you are proactive about identifying them earlier, more often and managing them more closely. Committing to practicing humble listening is one way that you can prevent hijacking. When you feel the temperature start to rise, take a deep, full-chested breath and ask a clarifying question to seek more information.

Stay tuned for more on the Amygdala Hijacking in next post…

Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Humble Listening #2 – Operator’s Manual on HOW to Listen Humbly

Building on yesterday’s post, here is an Operator’s Manual on HOW to listen humbly:

1. Check your ego at the door. It’s more important that your colleague thinks what a great listener you are, then how smart you are.

2. Get curious. Wonder. Inquire.

3. Seek to understand – from THEIR point of view.

4. Stop. Be quiet. Allow them to respond. Sit on your hands if you need to!

5. Paraphrase/summarize what your colleague is saying in your own words. This will force you to stay with them.

6. Listen at deeper layers of meaning and inference. The deeper your go with adding what you are inferring and what meaning you attach to what they are saying, the more fruitful the information.

7. Seek confirmation. Make sure you have accurately captured what they are saying– that you’ve got it right. Ask: “Is this accurate?” “Is this what you mean?” They will confirm or correct you.

8. Do NOT move on until you get the “yes”. There can be no “no,” objection or advocacy on your part until you get the “yes”. This means that you have actually listened AND understood them.

9. Once, you’ve got it – THEN go to action, telling – or whatever is appropriate.

This dynamic of alternating between advocating, inquiring, reflecting – should be fluid and organic, as a conversation is. If you are trying some new skills for the first time, it might feel a little stilted at first. With practice, over time, it will be more smooth.

As you do your daily listening workout, make sure you have a trusted advisor to give you in-the-moment feedback on how WELL you are PRACTICING listening – and humbly. One cannot be an accurate gauge on their own humility. I call this person a “street coach” – someone who is there with you in the trenches on a daily basis.

Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Humble Listening #1 – A Key Leadership Competency

I agree with GE’s Jeff Immelt that Humble Listening is a key competency for leading today.

In an HBR article, Ram Charan points out that listening is a discipline. This implies it requires a level of rigor and sustained practice over time: keeping the intent to practice at the forefront of your mind, doing it, and proactively seeking feedback and incorporating the feedback for refined practice.

I’d like to focus on: what does it mean to listen humbly and how do you do it?

Be honest, don’t you often find yourself listening to someone with a biased view – looking for the “in,” so you can figure out how you need to tailor what you say – to persuade, inform or get yourself heard? This is really advocating in disguise. Advocating is telling, not listening. We rarely listen or listen actively with a truly curious, open mind, putting our needs/views aside.

Merriam Webster’s defines listening as “To give ear to…To hear something with thoughtful attention. To be alert to…” If we give someone our ear, it means that THEY are filling us with information that we need to process. If we are alert and paying attention, we are not assuming what they are going to say but are with them in the moment.

Think about it energetically as to how much you are taking in or pushing out information. Telling is pushing out. Asking and reflecting are taking in. A 30/70 ratio probably is more suitable for the humble listener. Afterall, we do have ONE mouth and TWO ears.

What does it mean to be humble? To listen without arrogance, believing that you don’t have all the answers. To listen without aggression. The notion of taking in implies a receiving, more passive state.

If you haven’t emptied yourself, then you can’t take in. Active listening is taking in, pausing, reflecting and digesting the information. Then you verify for correct receiving, that you have heard the speaker accurately.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post –  Humble Listening #2 – Operator’s Manual on HOW to Listen Humbly.

Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

“A Brand Is Shorthand For What You Are.”

As spoken so eloquently by Lois Geller. If you have a strong brand – when someone sees your logo, hears your name or the name of your company, they immediately have a gestalt of who you are and what you are about. They have a visceral, emotional connection to the essence of what your brand represents.

Lois goes on to say that a great brand has a “patina” on it. This is a film on a bronze or copper piece that lets you know it’s an authentic antique. Strong brands have an authenticity about them that allows you to instantly identify them amidst the clutter of competing attention. There is an implicit trust that your brand will deliver on what you promise.

Here at Sage Leadership, we strive to represent wisdom, truth, honesty: to embody these qualities ourselves and to help you discover and live these values, particularly while you grapple with complex, difficult issues. If they were easy, you wouldn’t need help! It is at these times when you are tested the most, that you can be tempted to compromise.

We define these “values in action” as:

Wisdom – culling lessons learned from your experiences and applying them going forward to enhance your results – doing this with head and heart.

Truth – identifying and sharing what is real and true for you based on your current facts and perceptions.

Honesty – being fair, straightforward and sincere in all dealings.

In our view, whether you are an individual or an organization, consistently actioning these values is the only path to sustainable growth over time.

Living these values during difficult times is the true test of leadership because real growth is hard! Growth is rarely a linear, smooth path, so it requires your steadfast commitment. It is truly a sage leader who can uphold these values under pressure and hardship.

We hope this is your experience with us.

What are some of the most powerful brands that speak to you?

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Leaning into Discomfort: A Core Competency in The 21st Century

The 21st century socially-networked, information-flooded world today requires a multi-dimensional approach to leadership and influencing your constituents.

Although I am quoting from an article in the Nonprofit Quarterly, and the examples referenced are the current debate on women’s reproductive health and other social movements, there are key points that are relevant for leaders of all sectors.

Decide what applies to you as you navigate the whitewaters of organizational change today:

“…leaning into discomfort, I think, is critical, to make sure that what we are doing …is bold enough. The organization had better be feeling discomfort if it’s leaning into new strategies and ways of working….

“You have always to ask, Am I pushing for the change that’s really needed? On all of those levels, you have to continually refresh and check and make sure that you’re getting the most power for the mission by being as uncomfortable as possible. Because change is hard, and the reason why you have to look at all those different levels—yourself, your organization, and then the world—is that if you’re not willing to hold the tension of change as an organization, how can you begin to understand what you have to risk and what others have to risk to make change happen in the world?”

“ …In a world full of current and future ambiguities, leaders have to stay nimble and ready to rebalance their organizations to fit most powerfully into a whole field/ movement strategy. The skills of consultation and engagement with other leaders inside and outside of an organization are never entirely straightforward but have to be kept moving in the right direction whenever a door seems to crack open—or needs to be cracked open.

“In connected environments, leaders know that networks are always teetering on the edge of balance, requiring many small adjustments to achieve a measure of dynamic stasis. I have found that a networked leader has to be in constant motion, paying attention to the habits and the small stimuli needed to incessantly reconstitute balance and motion. One must learn to feel the current of change, look for and recognize resonance, and deploy oneself not as prod, but as a pivot for the many moments of change that are called for every day.”

Keep moving and lean into your edge.

Enough said.

Technology Changes The Way We Grieve

Todd Plitt gives a great depiction of how technology is changing the way we grieve. When referring to attending a funeral via live video stream, John Reed (a funeral director) says, “The new generation has grown up with this type of technology. As we move forward, we’re going to see more people who want to do this. The older people will die off, and their values will leave with them.” This was not necessary and extreme – especially given the topic!

I see nothing wrong with attending virtually if one absolutely cannot make it live. I would hope that this would not end up being the norm. Face-to-face human contact, particularly at a time like this, is very important to the bereaved. If human contact dies off, where are we as a species – too busy to take a break from our digital devices to be present?

Technology DOES have a place in the grief process – memories via Facebook (such as Angelo Merendino’s page dedicated to his wife who died of breast cancer), online blogs, guest books, etc. Just keep it in perspective.

A great example of this is when a member of my church lost her husband quickly and unexpectedly this year, someone organized a meal sign up for several months using meal-train. It eliminated the need for phone trees and increased efficiency – and facilitated sensitivity to the bereft’s grieving process. The griever puts their preferences online: how and when to deliver food (so she doesn’t have to be home) and dietary restrictions. The rest of the community signs up and delivers. The bereaved can have her space but also knows we are here if she wants to talk.

Grief is one of the rawest of emotions where you are cracked open and vulnerable. The process is unpredictable and painful. No machine can comfort you. Comments on your Facebook page help but when you shut down the computer if you don’t at some point have a human witness in flesh there with you to give you what you need – a hug, hold your hand, or to just listen – then you are at best prolonging your grief and at worst exacerbating your emotional state.

Nothing can ever replace mindful, compassionate presence. This is why we are messy human BEINGS versus efficient processing MACHINES.

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.