Follow up Friday: Breakfast for Dinner?

Follow up Friday on Sunday? What?
It’s like – have you ever had breakfast food for dinner? Why do you do this? Well, I do this when:

1. I’m too tired to cook – a bowl of cereal is fine for everyone.
2. I didn’t have a chance to grocery shop and that’s all the food left in the house.
3. I have a fussy child who wouldn’t eat anything else that night. Let it go. They’ll live.
4. I’m craving those particular foods.
5. Or…just for fun!

So why am I following up on my Monday post on Sunday and Friday, like I promised? I can say:

1. I was testing you to make sure you were paying attention.
2. I was overwhelmed and didn’t get to it.
3. I forgot.
4. I reprioritized amidst the changing landscape and it just didn’t rise to the top of my list.
5.  Or… just for fun!

What do you think it is? Well, if I am honest, it’s both 3 and 4. The difference between the two reasons is: one suggests I am not in control of my action and fell asleep at the wheel. The other suggests that I made a conscious decision to act on this priority at a different time. Here is how it played out: I was two days late in getting home because of the snowstorm. I had to finish a major report for a client who needed it for a meeting we were having on Friday. I worked very long hours to get the report done Thursday night. I was exhausted and needed rest before Friday, so I called it a night. Friday was an all-day meeting - insightful and productive. I left there on a high.

As I was driving home in the late afternoon, I composed the blog post in my head. I said to myself I would squeeze in writing my blog post in between grocery shopping, going to the bank and paying my taxes, before cooking and my dinner guest arriving at my house. Well, I had no food in the house and picked up more food than I anticipated. When I got home, with my eye on the clock, I went right to making dinner. The next thing I knew I was wrapping up a late evening with my friend and suddenly remembered my blog post. I could have hopped on the computer at midnight and got it done, meeting my commitment.

The old me, would have done that – I have to meet my commitment no matter what. In the last ten years, I have worked hard on exercising mindfulness for a more balanced way of life. Instead, I decided to embrace the unexpected – which was my reflection question on Monday. The follow up question was – where can you appreciate the gifts?

Here is where I landed: Even though I was surprised at myself for not staying focused on getting the blog post done. I wasn’t going to stress myself over it. After a busy week of travel, deadlines and intense meetings, I was tired. I thought spending time recharging and relaxing in good conversation is where I needed to be. I would come back to writing when I was centered and rested and messaging from that place.

I also went back to my objective of writing on Fridays in the first place – it is several fold: first, to stay in touch with my clients and potential clients and share insights, tools and lessons learned to further their development; second, I find it an enjoyable and rewarding vehicle for my own development and self expression; third, I write twice a week for consistency and follow up. The focus of my life and work is to enable myself and others to be their best selves to have a greater impact on the world.

90% of life is showing up and following up. The intent is to follow up by the end of the week. Well, although, this week I have stretched the definition of the end of the week – I did get it done and met my objective.

The gift for me is acknowledging how far I have come in not beating myself up or unduly stressing myself when I don’t need to – keep it in perspective. It may seem like a small thing regarding this post, but this shows up in other areas. It’s about how we hold the space for ourselves in how we walk through the world – even if most of it is in our own head. Its’s about noticing the constant messages we send ourselves – doing great or more to do; having fun or need to push ourselves to do that burdensome chore. If we can exercise the positive muscle for small things, it gives us the confidence and muscle to do it when the stakes are higher.

Sometimes, amidst the busyness of life, you have to breakfast for dinner – even if it’s just for fun!
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Enjoy.

© Copyright 2016 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Magic Monday: Embrace the Unexpected

Tucson at sunrise this morning.

Where can you find the magic at work today?

I attended a mastermind business retreat in Tucson last week. My flight home was scheduled for yesterday. Of course all flights were cancelled because of the Blizzard that slammed the Northeastern United States this weekend. The first flight I could get home is tomorrow. I had planned to spend all day Monday and Tuesday writing a proposal for one client who needed it by close of business Tuesday, and writing a very involved report for another client who I need to get to on Wednesday. In addition, this is one of the first trips where I decided not to bring my laptop as often I use it little at jammed-packed meetings like this. I figured can answer emails on my phone. Breathe.

I have been working with myself a lot lately in finding the positive versus dwelling on negative. The weather here is gorgeous. And I met a fellow attendee who lives near me and could not get home either. She generously loaned me her laptop. I had a friend go on my home computer and send me some documents I needed…and I was able to work and be productive. Amazing how things can work out in ways we never thought possible.

I even got a rest in the hot tub and a hike in. In addition, I spent most of the day with two women I met furthering our mastermind work and having amazing connections. Thank you my friends – Dan, Jeanne and Karen!

Now, to get up at 3:30 am for a flight home to the snow. Yay!

This week’s reflection question: How can you embrace the unexpected? Where can you appreciate the gifts?

© Copyright 2016 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Follow Up Friday: Blizzard Travel

The reflection question Monday was – what do you appreciate about what’s working?

Wednesday I flew from New York to Tuscon to attend a business retreat for my mastermind group. I made it to the airport in record time, no wait in security, and my connecting flight a breeze. I was cognizant of my reflection question and so appreciative of how easy it all felt.

Well, as I write this there is a blizzard underway in the Northeast. My flight home is scheduled for Sunday. I am wondering if I will make it home – at all or without delays. I flew out on United and assumed my flight back was with United as well. I called the airline to see if my flight cancelled yet. I held on the phone for 35 minutes to talk to an agent – only to discover I did not read my ticket closely – it was with American! So I called American and got an agent in 4 minutes.

While the snow pours down at 1 inch an hour, they said they can’t say yet if it will be cancelled. I have to go with the flow. At least for tomorrow I can enjoy the sunshine and temperate weather in Tuscon.

Regardless  of how this travel unfolds, I am committed to managing my stress – holding the space for adventure versus hassle. Perhaps we are making up for a record breaking seventy degrees on Christmas.

© Copyright 2016 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Magic Monday: Focus on What Works

Where can you find the magic at work today?

Since our brains are wired for survival, we typically focus on the glass being half empty versus half full. We are always measuring and calculating how far off we are from our goals or what we desire. At the root of this behavior is our built-in hard wiring to ensure we are safe or okay in some way – whether it’s a roof over our heads, the raise we want, or the recognition we feel we deserve.

Measurements are important so we can gauge what else or more we need to do to get what we want.
Sometimes this focus on not having enough, doing enough or being enough can be exhausting and discouraging. Since we live in a consumer-oriented society, these messages can barrage us constantly daily. We are told we need some new product to be okay – or we didn’t measurement up in our performance review at work in the way we thought.

My invitation this week is to measure what’s working and notice why. Be in the half full glass. This energy can help build ease, momentum, and get you where you want to be in a different way. Appreciative Inquiry is a technique used to positively manage change in organizations. It’s about “the coevolutionary search for the best in people, their organizations, and the relevant world around them.” When leaders embody these positive behaviors themselves it has a big impact on the people around them. In the words of appreciative inquiry – engage in “unconditional positive questions.”

This week’s reflection question: What do you appreciate about what is present and working, not what is absent or dysfunctional?

© Copyright 2016 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Follow up Friday: Turn on the Light Within

This week’s question was – Where do you notice yourself getting distracted or looking outside for answers only you can provide yourself? What are some of your most challenging relationships and experiences teaching you?

Here is what I noticed in myself and others – we distract ourselves and look for answers from others when we are afraid. Our egos are wired for security and certainty. You might be afraid of what others think, of doing a presentation, of not having enough money, of not knowing how to do something, etc.

When I am afraid it upsets my focus and ability to get things done. My head gets in an anxious spin. It’s a dark and constricting energy. I have a number of triggers for this. It’s important that I understand these triggers so I can better manage them – so I am driving fear out, it’s not driving me.

Fear is the opposite of love and passion and driven by the instinct of survival. Something is threatening our well being. This threat is real or perceived – it doesn’t matter which, as our brain receives all as real. My solution is to notice and let it go. Sometimes this works and sometimes I need the support of another person – a spouse, boss, colleague, friend – to help me get perspective and/or remind me of what I know is actually true.

Another person can provide you the space to think it through – to talk and be heard. Other times, they provide you with insight. Insight is bringing light to a subject. In either case, you are able to be more expansive and release fear.

We all have our triggers. No one is immune to fear. The key is to recognize it and use it for a signal to turn on the light within – channel the fear into passion, energy, expansion and movement forward. When you are struggling, reach out for reassurance or to get clear about the way forward.

The key is recognizing when you are in this spin of fear and do something about it. Don’t allow it to grow.

© Copyright 2016 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Magic Monday: Buddha, Twitter and Enlightened Leadership

Where can you find the magic at work today?

In the fall I attended the Wisdom 2.0 conference in New York City. As part of that conference, I got a tour of Twitter’s New York office. While waiting in the lobby, I met a fellow attendee: Joshua Isaac Smith. We got into a discussion about wisdom, yoga and spiritual disciplines.

My point of view was this: Buddha left us with some great spiritual teachings. I love Buddha. What no one talks about is the fact that Buddha left his wife and child to go find enlightenment. Sometimes those who leave us great legacies have difficulty in their daily lives and relationships. It’s easier to feel at peace when you don’t have to be out in the world proving your value, paying the bills, negotiating with your spouse or fit dozens of your kid’s soccer games into your already overfull schedule. And also, sometimes we need to leave relationships permanently or temporarily to experience the love and insight we gain from them.

The times we are living in ask us to find a sense of peace, in the midst of our personal relationships and demanding work lives, not instead of. These are the vehicles through which we find enlightenment, not obstacles in the way. How do you keep your thoughts elevated and focused on the lessons, blessings and joy despite the uncertainty, discipline or struggles you experience? What are these relationships teaching you about yourself? Being fully engaged with life, means navigating all of it – for good growth, not cherry-picking only the feel good experiences.

I am thrilled to see that Joshua took our talk to heart and is using it as part of his application to do a Wisdom 2.0 talk. Please check it out and vote for him. The deadline to vote is tomorrow. We need leaders in the trenches and the boardroom seeking enlightenment, not off in a mountain removed from the daily challenges of life.

If Buddha was alive today, I surmise he would be both engaged in the benefits of technology to connect us, and also disconnected periodically to make sure his tweets were coming from a centered versus frenetic place.

Just because we can communicate 24/7 about anything, doesn’t mean we have to, or it’s good for us. You need to make sure you have our own internal anchor and filter for all this information. No Google search can give you the answers to your own truth and wisdom – this is only found going within and reflecting on your experience.

This week’s reflection questions: Where do you notice yourself getting distracted or looking outside for answers only you can provide yourself? What are some of your most challenges relationships and experiences teaching you?

© Copyright 2016 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Follow up Friday: Behavior Matters

Monday’s reflection questions were: What do you value? What makes you happy? What factors enable you to be most productive?

Here is what I noticed in myself and others this week: We can say we value something but our behavior shows what we really value. What we do tells others what is important to us. Look at your calendar and you’ll discover what is really important to you versus what you tell yourself or others. Time tells all.

I can say I value a relationship – with a friend or a spouse – but if I don’t make time to spend quality moments with them, you have to wonder how important they are to me. This goes for any relationship – a colleague, boss or customer. I can say I value their opinion but if I consistently don’t listen to what they have to say, or validate or act on what they have to say, one has to wonder.

Here is what I noticed this week: I value honest relationships where I can be authentic, speak my truth and be respected and validated for it. It doesn’t mean we have to agree but I am seen and heard. This makes me happy – when I am celebrated in this way. When this happens, I can be more productive and go about my day because I am not fighting to be heard or taken seriously or worried about why I revealed that part of myself.

I know I am not alone in this regard. The research validates that teams who not only respect individual differences, but seek they them out and celebrate them, experience several benefits: they have better solutions because everybody is not trying to be an expert in every area and they are able to leverage different perspectives; People feel good about being on the team because they feel respected, even if they aren’t social buddies.

What makes me most productive is working with, and being supported by, people who I experience mutual respect with: we value our unique contributions by soliciting each other’s perspective and listening.

© Copyright 2016 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Magic Monday: Happiness, Productivity & What’s Right with You

Words of Manic Monday by The Bangles and modified by Susan Shaner. Musician: Dan Brodax. Where can you find the magic at work today?

Many years ago when I was in graduate school studying to become an expressive art therapist, I had a fundamental issue with the clinical model. It mostly focused on what was wrong with people. I saw clinicians, who had lives falling apart, judging other people’s states of mind and daily living skills. They say there is a fine line between mental illness, madness and creativity & productivity.
I gravitated away from clinical work into business because I wanted to focus on what was good and right with people and help them achieve their goals. Since a whole field of positive psychology has developed.

In my corporate work the last 25 years, I have helped leaders and professionals seek the expression of their highest potential. I have seen many who are depressed, narcissistic and incredibly anxious achieve great things – even though. Let’s face it, we are all broken in some way – or at least far from perfect – despite what our social media posts indicate.

No matter where I go, I can’t move away from the human condition – this tendency to look for what is wrong or to seek perfection. Many company performance reviews leave people feeling not valued or underappreciated.

Regardless of your industry – business, healthcare or education – the invitation is to carry on and strive to be your best version of yourself – even though – Even though you have a boss who unconsciously sabotages you, a peer who always steals credit, a spouse who tries to control you, or yourself who wanes on being disciplined and confident and you hope no one will find you out. That’s a lot to manage!

The invitation everyday is to do our part to find what is good and right in them, in ourselves and in our work. This enables us to have the attitude, strength and fortitude to overcome challenges and achieve that which we seek.

While hanging out over the holiday, my daughter picked the movie for us to watch: Happy, a documentary by Roko Belic. Ironic, since last week I was talking about the difference between happiness and satisfaction. She had no idea as she does not read my posts. So many gems in this movie that I will be mining this over the next few weeks.

Ed Deiner, at the University of Illinois said “a person’s values are among the best predictors of their happiness. People who value money, power, fame and good looks are less likely to be happy than people who value compassion, cooperation, and a willingness to make the world a better place.”

There is a ton of research that says that when you are happier, you are more productive. The capstones of achieving greater happiness discussed in the film: 1) personal growth 2) relationships (building/nurturing) and 3) helping others/community.

Reflection questions to consider: What do you value? What makes you happy? What factors enable you to be most productive?

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Follow up Friday: Happy New Year - Have a Deeply Satisfying New Year!

This week’s question: What is one thing that helped you navigate change this past year that you want to take with you into 2016? Or where do you need more support?

One thing that helped me navigate change last year is that I committed to a mastermind group. I’ve dabbled with different groups like this before. This time it’s different because I’m different. I more committed to this program because: a) I’m fed up with myself for not following through on a goal. B) I paid a lot of money for it. These two factors forced me to make sure I get the return on my investment. I am not looking for more work. I am looking for more meaningful work that makes a difference in how people live and work.

The standard wish today is “happy new year!” Everyone wants to be happy. I suggest it is more important to experience deep purpose and satisfaction than happiness. The latter is a fluctuating emotion day-to-day – or for some of us, hour-to-hour. But when you have a life or work that is an expression of what is deeply important to you – where you feel you can best express your true magnificence to be of value to others – you create a more sustainable way of being.

I’m not much for flashy resolutions, but I am for exercising resolve. When I google “resolve” I get to “settle or find a solution to (a problem, dispute, or contentious matter” or to “Decide firmly on a course of action.” When you are resolved, you are determined to do something. Most new year’s resolutions fail after the first 3 weeks of the year. Where does that determination go?

It gets distracted, discouraged, lost. Key questions to ask yourself are: How are you holding the space for your resolution – is it an intention? A goal? A “should do?” A Declaration?

Here is my invitation for having a resolution, goal or change stick. First, words are important. Second, change is really hard – especially if you are trying to change something that you are entrenched in – like being unemployed for too long, a diet, exercise, or a way of leading or organizing people. If you are interested in doing something bold or really different, most of the time it is really hard to go it alone. You need support – and the right kind of support.

Here are things to keep in mind:

Declare
Or Set an Intention – Get clear about what it is you really want. The clearer, the easier it is to help the universe conspire in your favor. Vague inputs, vague results. Make them clear, big, bold inputs, and those are the kind of results you will likely get in return.

Be Resolved
Exercise strong determination as if your life depended on it. Don’t take no for an answer from yourself. Commit to making it happen no matter what.

Act
Make sure you take action and are not stuck in your head – even if you need a push from your boss, colleague, spouse or friend. Get going! Do something in that direction! Perfection is overrated.

Trust
Often we want immediate, direct results. It doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes it’s a windy path or results are there but we are looking somewhere else. Don’t lose faith – keep at it!

Get Help
Getting discouraged, distracted or losing your way on “the how to” get results often happens. Plan for it. It’s part of the process. Know that if you are really trying to do something different or bold, you need a huge lift off (law of physics – energy at rest stays at rest; energy in motion builds motion). You need all the support and bolstering you can get – especially when you start to wane in your determination.

So, whether it’s a friend, colleague, coach, therapist, counselor – paid or unpaid resource – please consider getting help this year. Often times when we pay for a resource two things happen – that resource is more committed and skilled at giving you support and you are more committed to doing the work because you gave up money to get the help.

At Sage, we work with leaders who are striving to achieve stretch goals in work and life. Encountering challenges and obstacles are inevitable. We are currently booking complimentary 30 minute strategy sessions. 203-730-2103.

Dream Big. Stay Focused. Get Supported. Celebrate Wins!
Have a deeply satisfying and purposeful year!

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.