Follow up Fridays: Facing Terror Head-On

This week’s reflection: What do I notice about my body’s cues? How can I use the energy of terror in constructive ways?

Lately I’ve been taking risky and bold moves which can activate my terror triggers. It showed up in my breath – stopped – or I was breathing shallowly. My chest constricted, my shoulders were tense and I had a lump in my throat. Once aware, I would breathe deeply for several minutes, raise my arms and shake them. Changing my environment, getting my body moving and taking a walk outside in the fresh fall air helped.

My mind then shifted perspective so the terror didn’t paralyze me, just gripped my attention lifting the racing thoughts in my head. I could better presence the moment, not racing into the future of “what ifs.” That’s all fiction and my imagination.

Calmed, I got curious and asked myself – what is really going on? What am I really terrified of?

I also reached out to trusted confidantes to use them as a sounding board & reality check. They reminded me of my strengths and resources, grounding me back into the possible. Finally, I addressed head-on that which I perceived to be the source of my terror – the chasm between where I was and where I wanted to be. I saw three choices – snap back to current reality and give up the aspiration, think about the gap differently or strengthen the vision and resolve on the goal. I ended the week having released & channeled some of this intensity landing on the latter two.

In the words of Darren Hardy, “To be scared is to give up your power. Do what scares you. Gain your power back.”

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Words of Manic Monday by The Bangles and modified by Susan Shaner. Musician: Dan Brodax.

Where can you find the magic at work this week?

This week I invite you to find the magic in an emotion that many people run from – terror.

Once we commit to a lofty goal or new relationship, and the reality of what it will take to achieve success sinks in, we experience excitement at it’s best, or stress, fear, panic or terror at it’s worst.

Terror comes from being out of your comfort zone – big time. It comes from a feeling of being vulnerable or a perception of not being safe. Our primitive brain is wired for survival and when we perceive a threat, we go into protect mode – which is why our negative mind is so powerful. It becomes not just a mental thing – but physiological: a racing heartbeat and sweaty or cold and clammy palms, or perhaps some sleepless nights. The more terror you feel, the more you are stretching. The more you stretch, the more risk and potential for failure – or unbridled success. Terror often appears when you are on the verge of a breakthrough.

You may think “terror” is too dramatic. Sometimes at work we can get in the left brain analytical mode and try and navigate matters from the neck up only. Managing your personal energy means being honest with what you are really experiencing. When we ignore our body’s cues we are leaving out important information that can impede our progress.

Think of a specific situation: Has your boss given you a visible assignment that you are not sure you can pull off? Maybe you are taking a risk with a new product or market and your reputation is on the line. Or perhaps you have taken a huge risk – financially, emotionally or physically.

I invite you this week to notice what is going on beneath the surface of what you present to people. How are you holding all that is on your plate? What sensations show up in your body? What emotions are you experiencing? Fear? Terror? What is the terror about? The benefit of naming it is that you can channel that energy more constructively for a clearer, more direct pathway forward.

This week’s reflection: What do you notice about your body’s cues this week? How can you use the energy of terror in constructive ways?

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Follow up Friday: How Can You Set Yourself Up for Breakthroughs?

Monday’s reflection questions were: What additional supports or resources do you need to get yourself set up to shift your mindset and/or achieve a breakthrough? Where do you need to be more committed?

The second question implies that if you are more committed, you will achieve a breakthrough. Sometimes this is the case. Sometimes it’s how we hold that commitment.

As I reflected on these questions this week, what I discovered through my experience in interacting with others and doing my own work is, when I am committed to an outcome, I will put in extra effort to try and make it happen. However, when I am attached to expectations of how things “should go” – how to get there or what others should do to get there – then I can run into problems – at best be disappointed, at worst alienate or frustrate others.

I also saw that when I am more focused and disciplined in my actions in striving for the outcome, I experience a breakthrough. I am able to get beyond where I have felt stuck, or there hasn’t been as much progress made in the past. When I stick to pursuing the right actions or step back and get perspective on a situation, this is when I set myself up for things to shift.

I am writing a book and lately have been approaching it from the perspective of willing myself to be disciplined with the numbers of hours and focus I am giving it. After getting feedback from trusted colleagues this week, I was able to crystallize a certain aspect of my target audience that allowed the ideas to flow more easily. Seems obvious, but being willing to be vulnerable and risk inviting others into my process is ultimately what led to my breakthrough.

My writing is now coming from a place of excitement versus “work.” I was reminded to make sure to focus on where the “work” is fun and not just focus on the push to get it done or the fear if it’s not done. It’s all about how I manage myself and my perspective – how I hold the intention of commitment and achievement.

What did you discover this week?

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Words of Manic Monday by The Bangles and modified by Susan Shaner. Musician: Dan Brodax.

Where can you find the magic at work this week?

This past weekend, I participated in a development program and signed up for a mastermind group. I did one of these groups a number of years ago and did not have a great experience. This time it feels different. It’s different for two reasons: I’m different, and the leader is truly a role model for the skills I am working on.

A Mastermind group not only teaches you skills but also holds the space for you to maintain a growth mindset when stretching toward your goals. After trying and failing, or meeting marginal results, in one key aspect of my business, I decided it was time again to tap into the collective energy of a focused group and mentor. I chose to get myself set up with this particular group because of the energy I experienced living with them for three days, and the behaviors that the leader demonstrated. I want to emulate her approach.

I’m different because I am truly committed to change. The groups I joined in prior years didn’t work because I didn’t fully commit and wasn’t disciplined about the work. I’m sufficiently disgusted with myself and done with that pattern of sporadic, inconsistent effort.

The leader is different because I chose someone who embodies the skills that I need and have struggled with. She has a proven track record of success over multiple years. The skills I am focused on have been both my greatest fear and greatest inhibitor to growth of my business and my leadership.

Now that I have committed, I am tapping into the courage required to go into unknown territory. It’s humbling and I feel vulnerable. As a result, it requires that I reach out for help and support. The first time I did this was in a small subgroup of women in the mastermind.

I had a completely different experience – one of support and breakthrough. They were there for me – saw me – and offered wonderful suggestions that allowed me to rethink the title of the book I’m working on. I made more movement on this work in one hour than I have in the last month ruminating on it in my own mind.

This week’s reflection – What additional supports or resources do you need to get yourself set up to shift your mindset and/or achieve a breakthrough? Where do you need to be more committed?

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Follow-up Friday: What Does Magic Mean to You?

My reflection question was not only what does magic mean to you, but where do you find it at play in your life?

I’ve given lots of thought to this question and decided that when I experience synchronous events, it feels magical to me. You know when you think about someone and they call you in that instant. Magic can be my mindset or a feeling that allows me to shift my perspective at will – to see the possibilities versus the dangers. It can be those times when we have an insight and something has shifted that has opened up a new way of seeing a person or a situation that we didn’t have access to before.

The last few days I have been participating in an intensive development program focused on how I can improve my own leadership and the running of my business. I have been doing a lot of networking at this program and, while I am meeting a lot of people, the real magic has happened when I let my guard down, am vulnerable and authentic, connecting with people in a genuine way. Magic happens when I am out of my comfort zone. At these times, I’ve found that I discover that we have a lot in common – either in business perspectives or with personal interests.

I made a commitment today to invest in this development program at the next level. This was a scary and exciting step for me, not only because of the large financial investment, but also in terms of the magic I am inviting in – the potential to allow myself to be transformed by the work, stepping up to my next leadership challenge. Magic can start with accepting an invitation to change. Then we never know where it will lead us…

 © Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

It’s Just Another Magic Monday! An Invitation to Notice & Shift

Magic Monday

A few weeks ago I introduced the term Magic Monday. I want to talk more about what I mean by this….This is a take off on the Bangles’s song Manic Monday.

I heard recently that 7 out of 10 people in the U.S. are miserable at their jobs. Wow. Really?

Those numbers are staggering! I can only imagine how difficult Monday Mornings are for those 70%. I’d like to start a movement where we think about creating magic at work – and get charged up on Mondays! We spend one third of our lives (or more) at work, why not have it be magical? I invite you to embrace and love the challenges that lie before you or within you.

Merriam Webster’s online dictionary defines magic as:
“a power that allows people (such as witches and wizards) to do impossible things by saying special words or performing special actions : tricks that seem to be impossible and that are done by a performer to entertain people : special power, influence, or skill… something that seems to cast a spell: Enchantment.”

These are powerful words. How could you become the wizard of your life? What would cast a spell over you so much so that you are enchanted with your work, workplace or the people in it? How can you influence your own thoughts and feelings regarding work to create renewed energy and perspective?

It all starts by noticing. Notice what IS working and great. Notice what is NOT working and painful. Become more aware. Wake up to your work life. You will either do something about what is not working, or you will appreciate what is working. Either way, you create change and you are the one who holds the magic to create the shift.

Each Monday I will share a thought, story, idea, model or way of looking at the world. I will end the post with a reflection question. Sit with the question and reflect on it all week and notice what comes up for you. On Friday I will follow up and share with you what I noticed in my life or my client’s lives. This not only promotes insight within yourself, but starts a dialogue to share collective insights.

You are invited to create magic. Will you join me?

This week’s reflection – what does magic mean to you and where do you notice it at play in your life?

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

It’s Time: Gun Reform & Leadership

As I was grieving the death of my friend by gunshot, I heard about the mass shooting in Oregon. Another? Really?

Where is the leadership to keep us safe? I applaud President Obama’s response. But we need congress to get beyond their ideological differences and come together to pass some legislation that would make a difference. They would feel differently if their child was in Oregon or Newtown or Columbine and they were dealing with personal trauma.

There has been 994 mass shootings in 1,004 days in this country. We have become numb to the statistics and stories of those effected.

WAKE UP!

As Obama said, “The United States of America is the one advanced nation on Earth in which we do not have sufficient common-sense gun-safety laws — even in the face of repeated mass killings.”

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

Our “right to bear arms” was created over 200 years ago, and the kind of arms referenced were for killing an intruder, not machines meant to kill large numbers of people in warfare.

Dr. Pamela Wible discusses the disparity between what a doctor must do to do practice medicine and what a person must do to purchase a gun. Yes, these are different – practicing medicine and shooting guns. One heals and the other kills.

Where is the leadership to effect change and better protect our citizens? This can only be done with gun reform – look at who is allowed to purchase a gun and what kind of skill they need to utilize this equipment. Most machines require that you have training and a license to operate. Ask any forklift driver.

To purchase or operate a car a person must register it, pay for insurance and get a license, which requires training and passing a test. I don’t understand why we don’t require two things for someone purchasing a gun: a background check on prior convictions or mental illness and proof of training to operate. And why should military guns be made available for public purchase?

My reflection question for Magic Monday is: What is one thing you can do to make our country safer?

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Follow up Friday: What Helps With Processing Shock & Grief

Monday’s post asked the question: what helps with exercising self-care in processing grief and looking for ways to help those effected by the loss of a loved one? In my own reflection I noticed:

Recognizing this is important – grieving is a process and has a timing all it’s own. I need to be kind and gentle with myself. The sadness and grief I feel for my friend Lisa reverberates and makes grief from past losses available in the present. It’s like a cumulative effect. A friend said it this way: “loss intensifies as you get older because you have more experience and therefore more losses.” Processing loss is a needed skill to fully embrace life.

I also felt shock and trauma from the way in which Lisa died: shot by her husband, in her home, with possibly two of her four children present. I still don’t yet have details about what happened except he drove away afterward. Periodically it would hit me that she is gone. My friends and I kept rewinding our conversations wishing there was something we could have done to prevent it – and accepting there isn’t.

I had moments of crying, wondering: Did she know? Did she suffer? How could he leave her to die? How are her children? I kept checking the news to see if any additional information was available on a service or to learn of any new details on what happened. I was grasping for a sense of control by trying to understand something incomprehensible. Ultimately I felt powerless and sad for her children.

I noticed when I pay attention to the absence of my friend, my grief intensifies. When it felt too much to bear, I reached out to others to help me process and hold it all. It helps to talk to mutual friends. I was surprised by some people who reached out to me. One friend said, “I don’t even know the women and it’s effecting me so much – so sad.”

I realized it is important to work with my mind to embrace life-affirming qualities. Breathing deeply helps me embrace the pain allowing it to wash over. Paying attention to what is present versus absent helps. It allows me to appreciate the presence of love, beauty and awareness to balance the loss and give me relief.

What could I do to help her children? I sent them thoughts and prayers and contributed to a Go Fund Me page to pay for care they will need to heal.

What did you notice in reflecting on how you process grief?

© Copyright 2015 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.