Words of Manic Monday by The Bangles and modified by Susan Shaner.
Musician: Dan Brodax. Where can you find the magic at work today?
Your place of business is either crazy busy this week trying to wrap up the year or very quiet with many people on vacation.
I call this week the gap between what was and what could be. That is,
this is the week that we typically reflect on the past year and project
or plan for the year ahead. So it includes celebrations of goals
achieved, regrets for those not achieved and setting goals and
resolutions for the year ahead. This word resolution actually means
making a “firm decision to do or not do something.”
Most resolutions fail within the first 30 days. I believe this is because of two reasons:
These are goals made from the head and the place of “should” versus the heart and the place of “passion.”
People often don’t get the support they need to make the resolution stick.
If you are going to embark upon something bold or new that requires
change, you need the right, consistent supports to overcome challenges.
True, sustained change is hard – even when it’s desired change.
This week’s reflection question: What is one thing that helped you
navigate change this past year that you want to take with you into 2016?
Or where do you need more support?
This is the week when college kids come home for the holidays. For
those who celebrate Christmas, they embark on last minute frenetic
shopping or gift wrapping. For those in business, it means tying up the
year as strongly as you can. For those in education, it means a deserved
break from students. For those in healthcare, it can mean more
emergencies – or quiet time where you can really focus on one patient at
a time.
Depending upon your beliefs, practices and places of work, you might look at these last ten days of the year differently.
I always notice a different energy in the air this time of year. Some
of it is because of the holidays and some of it is because we are
coming to the end of a yearly cycle – an ending and a beginning.
Reflecting and planning.
Generally people are either more stressed and closed or more open and
curious. Even if you still have presents to wrap, many miles to travel,
cookies to bake, or financial books to close, I invite you to step
back, breathe, and notice what is currently working and what could be a
blessing. Live into the gratitude of what you already have. Open to the
question of what could be. It is in this space of positive energy that
all things are possible.
This week’s reflection question: What do you notice when you step
back from the task at hand and notice the positive of what is or could
be?
Monday my reflection questions were: Where are you challenged in
your own leadership with bouncing back from set backs or traumatic
events? What can you do to foster more open dialogue and listening in
situations that involve tension or trauma?
The American Psychological Association defines trauma as “an
emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape or
natural disaster. Immediately after the event, shock and denial are
typical. Longer-term reactions include unpredictable emotions,
flashbacks, strained relationships and even physical symptoms like
headaches or nausea. While these feelings are normal, some people have
difficulty moving on with their lives.”
Trauma is an extreme term that many leaders, if you are not working
in fields directly that manage trauma (such as healthcare, the military,
security, etc.), shy away from. And yet leaders or office workers are
traumatized everyday – because of situations that happen at work – or
because of toxic relationships with bosses or co-workers. Ultimately it
comes down to the nature of the situation and that person’s make-up – if
they are a sensitive person or not.
A traumatic situation at work could be where your life is in physical
or emotional danger, or both. Examples could be a bomb threat, shooting
or emotional disrespect or abuse. For example, years ago when I was
pregnant with my daughter there was a gas leak in my company building.
Ironically I was working for a healthcare company at the time. HR
evacuated everyone to investigate and, those who had any physical
reactions were sent to the hospital. Given my condition, I wanted to
make sure nothing happened to the baby.
When I got back to the office, I told my boss I wasn’t comfortable
working there that day, even though the inspectors cleared the building.
She asked if I wanted to see the EAP (employee assistance program –
counseling). I was taken aback. No, I did not. I said there was nothing
wrong with my being concerned – it was based in reality not my feelings
about reality. I felt my perspective was invalidated. I am not against
counseling at all. As a matter of fact, I was trained as a therapist
early in my career. In this instance, counseling was not the solution. I
didn’t think I was traumatized by the gas leak, just appropriately
concerned.
Different situations will trigger different people, based upon their
history and sensitivities. You can also be traumatized by abusive or
disrespectful relationships.
Here is what I realized this week: if you experience trauma in the
context of a relationship, you can do your own work within yourself to
come to terms with the relationship going forward. Yet the greatest
reconciliation takes place in dialogue with another person.
What do I mean by trauma in the context of a relationship? We all
have different levels of where we feel a trauma or not. A colleague and
friend of mine uses this term to refer to a situation with a former
boss. She says she was traumatized by how she was treated when she
worked for that company – blatant yelling and swearing and sabotaging of
her work. Sound crazy? It’s not as uncommon as you think. And this
person worked in human resources!
A key question is, why does the people
system allow behavior like this to continue?
I made a commitment to write in my blog everyday for 30 days (Nov 17 – Dec 16). I did this for several reasons:
To get more of my thought leadership public.
To strengthen my commitment muscle.
To unclog my mind, unblock my writing and be more consistent with it.
Today is day 31 – and I am celebrating that I did not miss a day –
even over the Thanksgiving holiday! Goal Achieved! Woo hoo! While some
days I may have posted at 10 pm, it still made it on that calendar day.
Given all the other things I juggle, this was a huge commitment and
achievement for me.
Before, I committed, I didn’t give this particular goal a lot of
thought – as I typically would with such a commitment that required a
daily consistent practice. I noticed an invitation email the day before
the challenge was to begin. I said, I’m in, I’m going to do it. I had no
plan – unlike me. I just said, I’ll figure it out as I go along.
After I said yes, my questions and fears began swirling: Would I have
enough to say? Would anyone read it? Would anyone care? How am I going
to do this with all I have going on? Is this really what I should be
focused on right now? What if I set this goal and didn’t achieve it? It
was more about my doing something I set out to do that I knew would
translate to other places in my life where I need to channel more of
this commitment energy.
A couple of times I wrote more than one blog entry in a day, and I
had a few topics that I explored over several days. But generally, I
allowed topics to surface on a daily basis. I felt like a hiker
wandering in the woods, being guided by my internal GPS.
Here is what I experienced and learned:
When it’s not an option to not do it, I found a way – to find content or make the time.
Trust the process: On days when I had little time, suddenly an
article surfaced that moved me so I felt compelled to write about it.
The more I wrote, the more ideas flowed. I started a writing journal
to capture my thoughts for headlines for posts and ideas to be
developed.
The practice of writing and reflecting helped me get clearer on my priorities and my message to the world.
The act of writing for public consumption forced deeper reflection and commitment.
Writing allows me to better connect to myself and how I process my life and my work.
I heard from people I didn’t know who found value in what I had to say, which gave me further encouragement.
I heard from former clients, colleagues and friends who found posts helpful.
It helped to know 3,000 people in my blogger community – learntoblog
– were also taking this challenge. When up against a huge challenge, I
really need to get support and energy from others because I do have
moments of doubt, fatigue, etc. – and that is okay! Plan for it and
expect it.
I need to trust my inner guidance (intuition) more. It will deliver even when I (my mind) doubt I can.
Any worthwhile challenge is going to push me beyond what I think my limits are.
So, I addressed all three reasons of why I took the challenge:
I got feedback that my thought leadership was of value.
I came through on my commitment.
My mind is unclogged and writing is flowing. Now, if I can just fix my kitchen sink that clogged today.
Here is my plan going forward: To continue to write in my blog at
least twice a week (magic Mondays and Follow up Fridays) and as the
spirit moves me on other days. I will channel the daily writing into
completing my book, which I have been challenged with finishing this
year – a 2015 goal not achieved. I am giving myself another chance –
another year. The difference this next year is me – my commitment and
consistency with action and getting the supports I need when I have my
moments of waver.
Here is what I now know for sure: When I make something a
non-negotiable, I always find a way through any challenge or obstacle.
Commitment is willing myself to take action, especially when it’s hard.
When this happens to reach out for support and I will get it. It’s
working with my wavering commitment that makes all the difference in my
results.
Where do you notice a little waver you need to bolster? What resources do you have to help you with reinforcing your commitment?
I work with leaders to give them the support they need to discover
the insight, strength and resiliency within themselves to overcome any
obstacle or challenge. Since you can’t give away what you don’t have, I
continue to challenge and strengthen my muscles in these areas as well.
We always have the next level of growth to be realized!
You may contact me for a complimentary 30-minute strategy session as you plan for the New Year.
Thank you Joshua Dubois for giving us a peek into the character of President Obama.
I don’t care what anyone thinks of his politics – for or against – Doing a good job or not.
This man is an amazing human being – To have the strength,
authenticity, compassion and tenderness of heart to hold these people’s
unfathomable pain in the midst of such tragic loss.
This is what a great leader does: listens, is present, and can bear
the unbearable for those he serves. On this day three years ago,
President Obama was heroic.
I co-hosted another radio show with Xander Gibb on Saturday. We dedicated it to the victims of Sandy Hook, as it was the third
anniversary of this tragedy, and John Lennon, as it is the 35th
anniversary of his death.
Regardless
of where you stand on the gun control issue, one thing is clear: The
United States has a problem that needs solving, and it will require
concessions on both sides of the issue. In the last 25 minutes of this
talk show, Xander Gibb, Brad Greene and I discuss this complex topic.
Words of Manic Monday by The Bangles and modified by Susan Shaner.
Musician: Dan Brodax.
Where can you find the magic at work today?
Today is the third anniversary of Sandy Hook. I am
particularly aware of this since I live 15 minutes from the school. When traumas
of this nature strike, we are effected on all levels. In the case of Sandy
Hook, it hit such a chord because of the nature of it: young, innocent school
children sitting in their classroom learning. It undermined the inherent trust
we, as parents, have in society when we send our child to school everyday.
First, your mind tries to process what really happened. Then
you are overcome with shock, anger, sadness, grief – a range of emotions. These
become physical and manifest in the body if not fully processed. Getting clear
on your emotions and expressing and releasing them is the way to not have any
negative emotions lodge themselves in a vulnerable spot in your body and
surface weeks or months down the road via illness or disease.
Leaders are not immune from the stress and effects of
trauma. The difference is they have more pressure because all eyes are on them
and they have to react in a timely and thoughtful manner. They are responsible,
which means having the ability to respond. At a time when they may be
experiencing all the emotions of the average person – they have to ensure their
frontal lobe – rational brain – is working on all cylinders. So it doesn’t mean
they don’t feel to the depths or in ways others do. It’s more a question of
what do they do with those feelings and when and how they process them.
I heard
that one of the first responders to Sandy Hook, a professional with many years
experience, handed in his resignation immediately after responding to the
scene. It was more than he could bear. Everyone has a different capacity to
handle such trauma and you never know what your capacity is, until you are
confronted with it.
Some people choose professions where managing trauma is a
daily occurrence – therapists, doctors, EMTs to name a few. Being an elementary
school teacher is a profession where you would not expect to be confronted with
trauma on a daily basis. Yet many of those teachers instinctually rose to the
occasion – because they put survival and protection before anything else in
that moment. In order to do this, parts of the brain have to shutdown.
Otherwise, the individual would be overcome with the horrors. Developing
strength, resiliency and the ability to compartmentalize are core skills needed
for all leaders today in order to navigate crises and traumas so you can
effectively lead people to safe solutions.
Three years from Sandy Hook and sixteen years from Columbine
and we still have a serious problem with guns and violence in this country. We
all need to help our elected officials better problem solve this issue. In
times of crisis and with complex problems, we need deep reflection, engagement
and open dialogue to come up with viable, sustainable solutions.
This week’s reflection: Where are you challenged in your own
leadership with bouncing back from set backs or traumatic events? What can you
do to foster more open dialogue and listening in situations that involve
tension or trauma?
The last couple of days, I have been reflecting on having a full
versus overfull plate. Being full, achieving a goal or overcoming a
challenge gives us a sense of accomplishment and deep satisfaction. When
this fullness becomes overfull, we need to either take things off our
plate or think of how to get the same amount of tasks done differently.
Often this differently means delegating.
Why don’t we delegate? Usually it’s because of five factors: Time, No one to delegate to, Money, Competence, Trust
Time:
We say we don’t have the time to show someone else how to do what we
know how to do. This is a myopic perspective. Teaching someone today
will give you much more time in the future. And often we overestimate
how much time it will take to teach or coach. You time is money and if
you invest it wisely, it grows giving you time back.
No one to delegate to:
This depends upon how you think of delegation – we have resources in
other people everywhere whether it’s an employee, spouse, co-worker, an
intern, friend, or we hire someone. I challenge you to think of how you
can think of delegating more creatively.
Money:
Sometimes you have to pay someone to do some things for you. What is it
worth to you in terms of your time and potential to earn more money?
Sometimes this time is just psychic time, knowing you don’t have to
worry about that task so you can focus on something else more important.
Competence & Trust:
These two sometimes go together and they are ultimately about control.
You need to give up control and trust that someone else has the
competence. They might not do it exactly how you do it but unless that’s
really necessary then just focus on getting it done in their way.
Delegating frees you up to focus on what you do best, and must do, to achieve the success you desire.
For example, for twenty five years I have had someone come clean my
house – even when I said I couldn’t afford it. It’s not just because I’m
allergic to dust, but it’s because I didn’t want to spend my time and
focus on that task. I would much rather forgo a night out to dinner or
cut somewhere else. Sure, there have been times when I have varied how
often I have this service – every 1, 2 or 3 weeks – but it’s worth every
dime to not only clean up my physical space but psychic as well – it’s
one less thing I have to think about and do.
Where can you free up and lighten your load to stay focused on what really matters to you?
Yesterday, I shared about the woman business owner who had an
outrageously long list of to dos she accomplished in a given day. Some
might say this is what energizes her so good for her, go for the insane
list! She’s engaged with her life and accomplishing a lot for so many
people.
Yet, her email “Are You Ready to Quit” says otherwise. It comes down
to knowing what really gets you charged up, energized, excited and
engaged… AND to what degree.
Think of it like making a delicious boiling pot of soup. You have all
the herbs and fresh chopped vegetables. You keep putting in ingredients
to add to the soup’s complexity. You are enjoying creating it and it is
stimulating your sense of smell. You continue adding ingredients. And
then with the last pile of carrots, the pot overflows. The pot did not
have the capacity for anything else.
So, it is possible to have too much of a good thing. Having a
challenge and a lot to do may energize you to a point. It’s important to
know what that point is. With too much, you risk becoming ineffective,
stressed, or worse completely burned out.
Calibration is key. Often we don’t know what our limits are until we
have reached them. Then we have to scale back a bit to get back to that
sweet spot of having our load be energizing and regenerating versus
depleting.
Check-in with yourself today – where are you in loading up the
ingredients for a juicy life? If necessary, recalibrate to full versus
overfull. This is a key to staying resilient – paying attention and
regrouping and refueling as necessary.
On Monday I asked you to think about what you would do with your
free time, specifically time you have gained as a result of delegating
and developing your team. Your team could be at work or at home. The
point is, what are you striving toward and what is it that you really
need to be focused on that no one else can do?
Then I got an email from a woman business owner this week with two
long, dense paragraphs detailing all the tasks, personal and
professional, she handled that day. This included not eating until
dinner time. I’m a pretty high energy person and I was exhausted just
reading the list. No wonder her subject line read: Are you Ready to
Quit? As a leader, working professional (first employee then
entrepreneur) and single mom for most of my daughter’s childhood, I have
been where she is. The difference is, I got to a point where it wasn’t
sustainable. My head started to implode (migraines) and my body shouted
at me to stop (fibroid gone beserk).
I am not judging her and how she is leading her life. We all make
choices and what is right for someone else may not be right for me. At
my low point 10 years ago, it became unsustainable for me and came out
in my body through breakdown.
No matter how hard your striving mind is, your body never lies and
knows what really works for you. It will give you many clues along the
way, if you listen. If not, then it eventually blows up in inflammation –
minor illness or full-blown disease. Or it comes out in your not making
someone happy – your boss, your team, other stakeholders, your spouse,
your kids. We like to think we are heroes and can handle it all. As an
American, this is part of our cultural myth – the lone ranger who saves
the day. This is outdated. Even if you CAN handle it all – SHOULD you?
Do you NEED to? Is it a HEALTHY choice?
Someone may read her list and say – wow, aren’t women amazing at all
they multi-task with family and work! I read it and had two reactions:
Wow, I am so glad I am not there today. Why isn’t she delegating more? I
don’t know any details about her life other than her business, the very
long list of all she accomplished that day, and she is married with two
young children. But I thought, couldn’t a number of those tasks have
been delegated or deferred? It felt like a lot of running around from
home, kids school, office, store, kids school, store, office, home. I
wondered what kind of charge or payoff is she getting from this
franeticness?
Here’s what I realized this week, freeing up my time requires that I
am crystal clear about how I define success in holistic terms – how my
business and life fit together. I often have to prioritize one against
the other, in a given moment, day or week. When I asked myself why am I
not getting to what “I need to” as often as I would like – a host of
words surfaced: discipline, fear, self-sabotage, trust, confused.
Ultimately it came down to managing my mind and myself to be more
focused and accountable and to being willing to let go of control (a big
one) and trusting others to handle things I don’t need to handle!
The greater the challenge you are facing, the greater the need to focus.
Whether it’s a goal you are trying to achieve or relationship you are
trying to navigate, it’s probably a challenge because you either aren’t
sure if, or how you can get the results you want, or you aren’t getting
the results you want … yet.
In both cases, this can bring up all kinds of emotions – fear, panic,
terror, frustration, intrigue, curiosity, excitement. Some people are
energized by challenge and drive toward it. Others are overwhelmed or
move away from it, if it appears to be too much. The key is perspective.
How are you holding this challenge in your mind?
Even if you are the kind of person who loves a big challenge, you may
still find yourself experiencing a range of emotions. Sometimes you may
not be aware of your emotions and have your mind in overdrive on a push
toward overcoming that challenge. If so, you may miss somethings with a
linear relentless focus.
It is at this time, I recommend you put on your mindfulness hat and
stop, pause, breathe and notice what is going on – with you and the
other people involved. Lean into the situation with a more relaxed
attention and you may notice some ways in which you are getting in your
own way.
Relentless focus helps in striving to overcome challenges but, it
doesn’t have to be intense and hard driving. It can have more of a
quality of being relaxed, aware, consistent and persistent.
Try a different stance – perhaps more playful – just for today and notice if anything shifts.
At Sage Leadership, we are catalysts and enablers helping leaders
maintain focus while facing significant personal or organizational
challenges. Please contact us for a complimentary strategy session.
Frantic energy is so strong – and it’s contagious. If this is what is
showing up in you or your team, you want to make sure you are
harnessing and channeling this excitement for directed, not wildly
distracted action.
Thefreedictionary.com defines “freneticness” as: “from Greek phrenītikos, from phrenītis, brain disease…1. distracted
or frantic; frenzied or, … insanity.” MerriamWebster.com cites this
word as “filled with excitement, activity, or confusion : wild or
frantic.”
Wow. It is a disease of the brain fogged by activity and confusion! Sound familiar?
Many organizations suffer from this disease because they are going
through massive changes – either because they are growing or because
they are not growing. One is trying to keep up with demand. The other is
searching for demand.
Even though you may have a plan or strategy in how you are leading
your team or business, plans don’t always reflect reality. People may
not be clear on, buy into, or follow the plan. Also, when unplanned
stuff happens – as is inevitable – then often adjustment to the plan
goes out the window and busy reactions ensue.
When you notice you or your team are stricken by the freneticness
disease, you must STOP the insanity, STEP BACK and ASSESS if you are
actually on purpose – aligned and making progress toward your vision. If
it is the former, then you will have the illusion of being productive.
But is it the right kind of busy?
To keep yourself sufficiently inoculated against, or to recover from,
the freneticness disease, exercise mindfulness and consider the
following questions:
What is the energetic quality of you, your team and your business –
purposeful: on purpose and full or frenetic: busy and distracted?
Where are you feeling frenzied?
Where are you feeding the frenzy?
Where can you stop, pause, assess and regroup for more purposeful
direction instead of being jammed in swirling activity or back-to-back
meetings.
Are you and your team jamming and flowing or just jammed up?
How can you channel the excitement to directed action?
In his article, Cognitive Therapy for the Country,
Dr. Friedman highlights some of the most recent events of violence and
social unrest here and abroad. It’s a provocative article with equally
thought-inducing comments.
Dr. Friedman advocates that Obama uses the technique of Aaron Beck’s
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to calm American’s fears. CBT is a
process where you analyze your irrational thoughts and replace them with
rational thoughts, to better manage your emotions.
There is a lot of research that supports managing the mind and
perceptions can be a helpful approach to not allowing fear to overcome
you. At the same time, some of those thoughts may be accurately based in
reality. It’s important to also assess the events that are causing the
fear, and get at the root cause of these events, to minimize or
eradicate future such events. Another important question to consider is
to what degree is the fear fed and escalated? Who benefits from this
fear? So, this is a complex equation.
A job of any leader is taming the fears of it’s constituents in times
of uncertainty, insecurity and unrest. A leader’s job is to protect,
provide comfort and engage people in a hopeful vision for the future.
There is a lot more I can say about this article and the political
events happening today, but my intent is to use it as a prompt for
reflection on your own leadership.
Who counts on you to lead them to a better future? What fears do they
carry? Get clear on their thoughts and emotions – and speak to, and act
on, those concerns in an honest, rigorous and authentic way. People
know the difference.
At Sage Leadership, we support leaders in times of transition and
challenge to get clear on their next best move. We are living in an era
where sometimes, all you can discern – is your next best move to stay
directed and focused on the path to making your vision a reality.
Words of Manic Monday by The Bangles and modified by Susan Shaner. Musician: Dan Brodax.
Where can you find the magic at work today?
One of my clients had the goal this year of freeing herself up so she
could be out in the community more – the face of her brand. She has
worked with her team in the last few months to enhance their capability
so she could be doing more strategic work.
While her team isn’t completely where she wants them to be yet, she
has realized some more choice about her time. She was recently asked to
take a leadership role in a community-based nonprofit organization. She
declined. I asked her why? Didn’t this fit in with the goals you
espoused a few months ago? Isn’t your plan working the way you
anticipated?
A deeper, not articulated goal surfaced. She wanted to spend more
time with her young son and this would require a lot of her evening
time. So, while it met the strategic goal of being out in the community –
it not only surfaced another goal but identified a way to further
clarify her original goal – to be out in the community during the day
versus evening, whenever possible. In addition, it identified the need
to get clearer about work life integration (versus work life balance)
goals.
Balance is a relative thing for everyone, and these days the lines
between work and personal life is blurred. When and where you do work is
more fluid and dynamic than ever before. It’s a more relevant question
to ask how work and life fit together in the context of one’s definition
of success.
In addition, my client was feeling that her team didn’t need her as
much, which was a little unsettling for her. In what ways will they now
need her? How will she continue to add value for them? I left her with
these reflection questions until we meet again.
This week’s reflection: As you look to free up your time, what are
you freeing your time up FOR? How will you know when you have gotten
enough time freed up? As you develop your team’s capability, in what
ways will your value-add to them change? In what ways will your team
still need you?
When I refer to the yoga of leadership in the business context, I am
not referring to leadership in the yoga world but bringing a yogic
mindset and practice to how you approach your leadership in business. My
intent is not to condense the volumes written on each discipline here
(yoga and leadership), but to open the door to an ongoing exploration of
how both disciplines can learn from each other.
Business is about creating value for your constituents: business and
client, leader and employee, or business and shareholder. To be a strong
leader requires you articulate a clear vision, engage stakeholders in
that vision, give people the support and resources they need to do their
part to make that vision a reality, and recognize people for a job well
done.
Yesterday I shared Stanton Kawer’s article, Yoga Made me a Better CEO. I love his subtext: “Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.”
Of course yoga, if practiced consistently over time, brings you
physical flexibility. Much of this happens from working with the
patterns of your mind and emotions to accomplish what you physically
didn’t think you could a mere few weeks earlier. The ultimate benefit of
a physical practice is to foster mental and emotional flexibility that
creates a resiliency and vitality of spirit. This flexibility enables
you to make optimal decisions while navigating an often chaotic and
uncertain world.
Yoga promotes a calm and clear mind, a strong body that is
stress-resistant, and clear emotions – being clear on your emotions and
the ability to clear negative emotions. When you embody all these states
of being than you have a vital spirit typically engaged in purposeful
activity. These are all ways of being that the 21st century leader needs
to embody, and given the context of today’s business world, can be
challenging.
Technology has compressed time, leveraged resources and connected
people like never before. It requires that a leader have the mental
stamina and emotional flexibility to make decisions quickly with very
little information, change gears on a dime, and breakthrough their own
internal barriers as to what is possible. There is a need to react
quickly without being reactive. Often this happens in the context of a
physically demanding schedule of long hours and traveling across
multiple time zones while navigating high stress/conflict situations.
This is why mindfulness practices are so desired today. Yoga is about
managing personal energy – how you move through life. Yoga literally
means to unite or yoke together as one. It refers to the unification of
body, mind and spirit. When a leader can embody this state of being
within themselves, they create the conditions to support others in doing
so. An individual in alignment, creates a team and an organization in
alignment. When all are aligned, this creates the conditions for
success.
Where do you feel aligned and in sync, within yourself, team or organization? What needs adjusting?
We work with all three: self-care for leaders, team and organization effectiveness.
I am a leadership and executive coach with over 25 years in business. I also teach yoga and meditation.
Some of my yoga friends have judgment about big business. Some of my
business colleagues have judgment about new age yoga types. The reality
is that each camp – yoga and business – have more similar practices and
mindsets than they realize.
Both require great discipline and are about employing self mastery to
achieve success. Self mastery cannot happen without the uniting of
body, mind and spirit focused on an intention.
My business challenges give me fodder for the yoga mat. My yoga
practice gives me what I need to face my business challenges – a calm
mind, strong body, clear emotions and a resilient & vital spirit.
They feed each other.
Stanton Kawer, the Chief Executive Office & Chairman of Blue Chip
Marketing Worldwide, articulated the benefits of yoga for an executive
so well: “yoga helps make me a more effective CEO by reorienting my
outlook on life–my buoyancy of spirit.”
Monday I asked you to reflect on where you can more closely align
your passion with your leadership or how you can unleash other people’s
passion and leadership. How do you say dialed into passion?
Here is what I noticed: While passion is an emotion, it starts and
ends with the mind. Many of us have the tape running in our head that
says, “this is what I LOVE to do…but this is what I HAVE to do.”
This is a mindset – a setting or set of messages in our inner
landscape that is based on who we inherently are and our conditioning
(messages others have given us). This statement says I can’t do what I
love.
When your mind clicks into what you love, you know it, you feel it.
When you are not in this space, it’s usually because you have given
permission for someone else’s voice to override you. Claim yourself.
Claim your passion.
It’s not an either/or situation. We all have things we don’t like to
do but have to. When you approach the “HAVE Tos” from the perspective of
being in your passion, they are easier to do, because you are loving
the ride. It is a matter of degree.
Living in your passion 80% of the time, gives you the energy and
positive attitude to address the 20% of tasks you don’t like. If the
situation is reversed and you are spending 80% of your time on things
you don’t like to do, then naturally you are going to experience a slew
of negative thoughts and feelings (boredom, anger, depression,
resentment) that will leave you stuck or in a downward spiral.
Passion is your greatest leverage and inoculation against being
overwhelmed by challenge. Life can be hard. Who wouldn’t welcome more
ease and flow? When you are dialed directly into your passion, it
effects everyone around you and compounds the collective energy.
How do I stay dialed in?
I NOTICE where my mind goes and I am VIGILANT about LISTENING to my
inner thermostat and RESETTING the dial when I need to turn up the heat.
I NOTICE and LISTEN to what excites other people and ADJUST my actions
to better support them.
I’m a big practitioner of understanding the root of words – for clarity and greater impact.
According to the Online Etymology Dictionary, the word inspire means,
“inhaling, breathing in; inspiration,” from the Latin inspirationem …
inspirare “inspire, inflame, blow into,” … “to breathe” in the literal
sense, it’s the “act of inhaling.”
What’s the theme?
Breathing in. Breath is life. Breath is energy. Breath is creativity.
It’s a taking in of – energy, ideas, words, people – their perspective
and needs. As a leader, if you aren’t inspired – full, infused,
overflowing, abundant – with life, activity and ideas – how can you
expect it from others?
If others don’t have it, and you do, then your job as a leader is to
create the conditions by which they get on fire, ignited from within. An
average employee on fire is worth so much more than a highly competent
employee going through the motions. When you are present and attuned to
what your people care about, a resonance happens between you and they
are able to make connections to experiences, ideas, or people that
wasn’t previously possible. The momentum builds on itself.
Your presence matters. This requires that you seek to understand who
they are and what they care about. In this way, you can make connections
and build a bridge to get them more engaged. When you are both better
connected to what excites you about the work, it flows and speed of
activity ensues.
Where are you today? Do you need TO BE INSPIRED – to hear, see or
read something that jazzes you? Or do you need TO INSPIRE – to better
connect to those you lead? Take one step in the direction that will fuel
the fire – within yourself or within or among your people.
When you meet someone for the first time, within an instant you
register a sense of them. You immediately feel a liking and want to move
toward them or disliking and want to move away from them. Then you look
for evidence to support this sense. Sometimes they surprise you with
behavior that counters your initial gut reaction – either they grow on
you or they do something that violates your trust or what “you thought
you knew” about them.
When you click, you will forgive a lot. You can hear things from this
person that, if said by someone else would put you in a space of denial
or defense. Clicking is a short cut to getting and being in the flow,
in the moment. There is no second-guessing. The dance of resistance or
force doesn’t occur as it does in relationships where there is no click.
Paying attention to your gut is important. Your body doesn’t lie, but
your mind might interpret the felt sense with a distorted filter. Use
your conscious mind to make sure you are interpreting the signals
accurately. Clicking expands your energy. If it’s positive energy, that
will expand. If negative, that will expand.
When you experience the click, go with it if it lands you in an
uplifting, creative and expansive place. If you click over a complaint,
go with it if it helps you validate your experience. Stay with it to the
extent it moves you toward focusing on constructive change. Leverage
the easy, click relationships, as you will need this positive energy to
manage your “nonclick” relationships.
This morning I experienced what I call a ripple effect of the click. I
am enrolled in a yearlong mastermind group as part of my professional
development. I clicked with two women and we formed our own support team
to supplement our other activities. I got some direct feedback on
things I needed to change. I believe 100% their objective is to support
me without any static (competition, jealousy, hidden agendas, etc..). I
was able to take in and work with this information, which took me to a
more expansive place. If I doubted their intent, I would have closed
down or rationalized my position. Instead, I shifted to a different
mindset and energetic space.
My very next meeting was with a client with whom I click. I was able
to give her direct feedback and she experienced a shift. The ideas
flowed as we planned the offsite strategy meeting she is having with her
leadership team in January.
This is the time for reflecting on the year past and projecting to
the year ahead. Doing this with people you click with is exciting and
regenerating. With people you don’t click, but need to work with,
getting aligned may be more challenging, but it is crucial to your
success.
Please contact me if you would like help planning or facilitating
your next leadership & strategy meeting. Getting off on the right
foot sets the direction and tone for the year.
Words of Manic Monday by The Bangles and modified by Susan Shaner. Musician: Dan Brodax.
Where can you find the magic at work today?
In order to get your profit and loss (P&L) sheet to where you
want it, you need to better manage your passion and leadership
(P&L).
I define a leader as someone who articulates a vision and gets people
engaged and aligned in achieving that vision. It’s easier when the
vision is aligned with your passion – what excites you, gets your juices
flowing.
When you are on fire, you create the energy and conditions to light
up everyone around you. When you do this, you are also unleashing other
people’s passion and their leadership. One could lead people, projects
or evolution of thought. Today, technology has dissolved hierarchies and
traditional barriers. Thought leaders and innovators are emerging from
all corners of the globe and pockets of organizations.
My friend Dan Brodax, who is singing in the Magic Monday video above,
is a great example of entrepreneurialism, passion and leadership. He
has a background in marketing and business development, and a few years
ago, decided to finally pursue his two passions: music and helping
people. Although he is not a trained musician or music therapist, he is
healing people through music. His business is HeartSounds: Find the Way
Back to Your Heart Through Song.
He takes his guitar on the road and visits assisted living
residences. He gathers people in wheelchairs, walking, infirmed and
cogent in hospital and community rooms, and hands out musical
instruments. Dan not only sings very energetically, but he leads the
residents through a musical experience, where they make music
themselves. Last week, a 56 year old man, who could not talk due to a
neurological condition, took pen to paper. His note to Dan said it was
the happiest birthday he ever had listening to Dan’s music.
Dan is energized by getting folks who are sedentary involved in an
activity. The residents are renewed by the music and the energy Dan
exhibits. It’s a synergy that builds on itself. Dan markets himself as a
Musical Engager. This is not a job title but a description he created
to relay his unique service.
Today there is a lot of destructive passion exhibiting itself in
unrest in the world and employee disengagement in organizations. What if
the world was set on fire with aligned passion? Anything is possible.
This week’s reflection: Where can you more closely align you passion
with your leadership? How can you unleash other’s passion and
leadership?
Earlier, I was feeling a bit of a post-holiday let down. It’s common
to feel this after a long weekend of big meals, seeing family and
friends. I’ve been eating leftovers and feeling full. My daughter went
back to college – it felt like so little time and she was mostly with
her friends. All this added up to, I was not feeling particularly
inspired, but I knew I needed to fulfill the commitment I made to
write daily this month.
I started to approach my writing from the perspective of my old self
(Susan 1.0) – one who is disciplined, organized and driven – makes a
list and checks the tasks off as it’s done. There are many benefits to
this approach. What happened along the way is that I depleted myself and
lost my joy and inspiration. This was a number of years ago and it’s
been a journey for me to reclaim a sense of flow in my work –
particularly my writing (Susan 2.0).
As my old self started to take the drivers wheel, I consciously said,
“No, this doesn’t feel right.” It was a gorgeous day, unusually mild
here in Connecticut. Instead I took my Bichon Frise dog, Willy Wonka
Benj Shaner-Bradford – we call him Willy for short – on a hike. I
intended to go to a state park that is 15 minutes from my house. Less
than halfway there I saw a sign I never noticed before. It was a for a
Land Trust. I stopped short and took a quick left into a small parking
lot, with capacity for maybe five cars. I looked around and, while it
didn’t look like much of a formal trail, amidst the leaves, I did see
some yellow markings on trees.
So, Willy and I started down the trail. I noticed some of the
markings were tiny signs that said, “Enchanted Trail.” I thought, wow,
that name just sends me to a different place – I felt lighter. I brought
my ipod and was listening to one of my favorite tracks that lifts my
spirits. Willy was walking more in sync with me than he usually does.
The trail markings went from yellow to orange to blue. I just kept
moving, suddenly noticing Willy and I were deep in the woods with no
other beings in sight.
It occurred to me that this walk is a metaphor for how I have been
moving through my life and my business lately – managing myself to keep
the big picture in mind, while I focus on the micro management of the
very next best step. I have moments of being scared or uncertain, but I
look for signs along the way that I am on the right path. I keep
breathing deeply, which calms my mind and body down. I trust the markers
of those who have gone before me.
As the sun started to sink and it’s reflection made it hard to see
the markers, I had a few minutes where I lost my way. I suddenly felt
disoriented…I couldn’t tell if I was really headed back the way I came
or headed off in a new direction. I didn’t panic but decided to enjoy
the adventure. I walked a little ways and eventually saw some markers I
remembered having seen on the way in. Soon, I spotted my car through the
brush.
Getting outside; breathing clean, fresh air; having some solitude;
appreciating the beauty of the woods – all left me feeling peacefully
revitalized. I had a mindset shift that, if I had stayed sitting at my
desk in my head, would not have happened.
The invitation is to find the enchantment in the trails we traverse in our daily lives.
Here is my first radio show with Xander Gibb. Thank you Xander! I
enjoyed the show. We talked about celebrating the holidays, managing
ourselves as multi-dimensional people, and our guest was Margaret
Echeverria. She talked about her experience with her son dying from
SIDS.
Have you ever had the experience of being really full and letting out
a big exhale sigh? Aaah. When you exhale through your mouth, you are
working on your digestive system. It’s a detoxification breath. Usually
this is an unconscious gesture. Your body is doing what it needs to, to
reset itself.
Our bodies naturally tend toward equilibrium. When we don’t have
enough food, it will reset it’s metabolism so you won’t starve. And when
you’ve eaten too much, it will do things to try and digest the food,
even when it feels overtaxed.
I had this experience this morning and I associated it with the
mindfulness work we have been doing all week in this blog. I’ve been
focused on abundance or have more than enough.
It’s not so much what we experience in life but the perspective and
meaning we associate with an experience that shapes our reality.
I was scheduled to teach my weekly kundalini yoga class this morning
at 7 am. I thought of cancelling it, but didn’t. As I hung out with my
family last night feeling stuffed, I dreaded getting up to teach the
class and wished I had cancelled. Here in the states, the day after
Thanksgiving is one spent sleeping in after a carbohydrate overload,
shopping or hanging out with loved ones visiting.
So, I was not surprised when no one came to class this morning. I
could have been upset, bummed, annoyed, etc. Instead, I did my daily
yoga and meditation practice to an empty room. I decided when I got home
I would climb back into bed and take a nap as I had planned a day off
with my daughter who was home from college and still sleeping.
As I drove home, I suddenly noticed I took a big exhale and, not only
felt physically full (I hadn’t eaten yet) but felt a deep sense of how
full my life was. I had cooked yesterday for my daughter, her friend, a
friend of mine and her daughter. Between turkey and pie everyone fell
asleep on various couches in different rooms. I stayed awake and
cleaned. I was not upset that I had little help cleaning. Instead I felt
a deep sense of gratitude for having a full house – and one where
guests felt comfortable enough to find a couch and drop on it.
I associated my deep exhale this morning with how I have been working
on reworking my conditioning to notice and appreciate how full my life
is. It’s no coincidence that a contract I have been working on for three
months finally closed the day before Thanksgiving. One has deep exhales when they feel full. It’s enough. I don’t need anymore.
Focusing on what we want, not what we don’t want, helps us get more of what we want.
All week we’ve been exploring how you rewire your conditioning to
better serve you in what you want to have in your life. It requires
changing your thought pattern. You can release a negative thought
pattern and replace it with a positive one – and sometimes you can just
replace it with a positive one and the negative one automatically just
falls away.
The key with this entire process is being tuned in, not tuned out of
yourself. Notice what has you associating strong, positive emotions to
your thoughts and moving them physically through your body.
When all domains – mental, emotional and physical are in sync, then
you have, what I call, a spiritual sense of flow in your life. You are
in tune, have purpose, meaning and are deeply engaged with, and loving
your life. It doesn’t mean that you can’t experience a sense of spirit
when things are difficult or you are in struggle. Sometimes these are
the most spiritually initiating times in your life. You feel yourself
through the pain. The spirit comes through with the work to rise above
the challenge and persevere and carry on, even though.
Amidst life, one kind of thought rises above all others. It is like
the queen of all thoughts that possesses super powers, working on layers
of deeper emotions we aren’t always aware of – this is GRATITUDE. Other
similar words are Thankful, appreciative. Any thought or emotion where
you bless, recognize or are grateful for what you currently have, who
you are or what do you do. When this permeates your entire being, then
life flows peacefully within and around you, even if your environment is
in crisis or chaos. It’s finding your peace within.
Today, in the United States, we celebrate our national holiday:
Thanksgiving. The original intent was to sit around a dining table and
feast on the harvest of the season – to share our bounty with family,
friends and neighbors. This is my favorite holiday as it is about making
and sharing good food. We nourish our body with food, mind with great
conversation, emotions with connections, and spirit with an overall
sense of vitality even if there is still pain and suffering in the
world. We can all pause and say thank you for this one precious life.
Thank you for being part of this journey with me. Regardless of where
you live, today I invite you to identify just one person, experience,
thing you are grateful for in your life. I guarantee, it will uplift you
and shed some of the toxins that are hiding out in one of your domains.
So, we’ve talked about changing your thoughts, getting clear on your
emotions and clearing your negative emotions. All of this is connected
to, and manifests in, your physical body.
When you notice feelings that you don’t want – such as fear, terror,
panic – they show up in your body with tense muscles, a constricted
throat or abdomen, clenched fists and furrowed brows. You might notice
the bodily sensations before you are aware of your thoughts or emotions.
Think of each of these domains as a portal through which you enter to
become aware of what is going on with you. Some people are more
mentally, emotionally or kinesthetically-oriented.
In the physical domain, all of life happens through expansion and
contraction. Negative emotions create tension and contraction. Positive
emotions are expansive, relaxing and uplifting.
It’s important to release the tension in a safe way – such as going
for a walk, running, punching pillows, lifting weights or some other
kind of physical exercise or activity. I know someone who goes on a
raging cleaning and decluttering binge when they are angry. Also, what
you put in or on your body also plays a role in how resilient your body
is in handling the stress and toxins that negative thoughts and emotions
create.
With physical activity, the single most important thing you can do is
to breathe more deeply. This gets more oxygen to the brain. Movement
gets the blood circulating, literally moving the emotions and thoughts
through the body. The focus is on release and discharge, not holding
onto these thoughts and feelings that are not serving you.
Once the negative emotions and thoughts are discharged, you want to
ground the positive ones in your body as well. Going for a walk in
nature can be meditative and relaxing, allowing your body to open up to
expansive ways of thinking, being and knowing. Stretching your body,
specifically rolling and releasing your shoulders helps.
Try closing your eyes and reciting outloud to yourself your new
mantra. The example I used yesterday was “I have abundance.” As you take
deep breaths in, visualize what this means for you. Allow yourself time
and space to be in your body with these positive thoughts and emotions –
literally stretch into them to take them in. Allow yourself full
expression of the joy, fullness, and excitement of this thought and the
emotions it evokes.
When you are happy and enthusiastic you might jump up and down, put a
skip in your step, dance, hug someone, clap, hum or sing – even as an
adult! The more you can play with this physical way of expressing the
new thought and emotion, the more likely it is that you cement the new
conditioning. Repetition and having fun help.
So, give it a try: grab a hold of possibility and breathe deeply into it while skipping a beat.
Yesterday I asked you to rewrite a
thought associated with your negative conditioning to make it more
positive. This doesn’t necessarily mean that your thought pattern will
change. It means you are now aware of the subconscious pattern that has
been influencing your life – what you believe to be true. A belief is
what you think even if you have no evidence to substantiate it. Beliefs
are reinforced by emotions associated with a thought and we look for
ways to reinforce our beliefs. We ignore anything that contradicts our
beliefs. Now you are going to change a thought and associate other
emotions with it and look for ways to reinforce this thought over time.
Having a statement that you say to
yourself can be powerful – but only if two things happen – you really
believe what you are saying and have some emotion behind it. Once you
have an emotionally charged statement you say to yourself over and over,
it can’t help but shift your mindset and therefore your actions and
results.
For illustrative purposes, I am
going to use my example of “I don’t have enough.” This could come into
play when thinking about not just money, but enough experience, skills,
courage, friends, peace, connections, etc. It can be a negative,
self-defeating program running in the background of your mind
influencing the way you approach everything. It’s your mindset. When
considering the emotional domain, notice what feelings surface as you
think of these words. Don’t judge feelings as good or bad.
For me, emotions like fear,
defeat, terror, panic surface. How do they serve me? They keep me
protected from danger but also can hold me back from things I don’t want
to do. At it’s extreme these emotions can paralyze me into non-action.
Or they can incite me into action to avoid these feelings – but again,
the negative feelings are still running the show.
If I change this phrase to “I have
abundance,” this has such a different meaning and feeling. When I dwell
on this phrase, feelings like safety, security, feeling full, all
surface. I’m not as worried. I need to really believe this is the case,
not just recite it to myself or tell myself to feel a certain way. You
cannot force yourself to feel certain things – only allow and create the
conditions for different feelings to surface.
What helps with this next piece is
to visualize and notice all the ways I truly do have abundance like my
health, money in the bank, supportive relationships, work I love, etc.
When I focus on naming things that are really true, and truly appreciate
them, this act associates this thought with these emotions solidifying
the conditioning around it. This process requires repetition and
choosing to express certain feelings. Your mind got conditioned over
many years so it will take practice to shift.
Adding expression, and even music
or images (drawings – words or color) can also help with accessing
positive emotions. Dwell on your new mantra and enjoy!
Ultimately, the fastest way to
release old conditioning is to get really clear about what you are
feeling and then to clear the emotions that are negative – detox. Some
of this detox is actually a physical process as thoughts and emotions
are connected to the body. We are going to continue with the physical
domain tomorrow.
Words of Manic Monday by The Bangles and modified by Susan Shaner. Musician: Dan Brodax.
Where can you find the magic at work today?
During the last three weeks, we focused on noticing and managing a
dominant thought pattern. This week’s focus is on how to shift a pattern
that is not working for you. To recap, here are the steps:
Notice your thoughts.
Understand where your thoughts come from: how these patterns define
your belief system and have roots in your subconscious mind, typically
conditioning from someone or somewhere else.
Shift a thought pattern that is not serving you in the best way.
Sometimes you can shift a pattern just by noticing it; sometimes with
insight into the source of the unconscious messaging and the underlying
beliefs; and sometimes you need to do some more heavy lifting over
time.
To shift it over time, you need to work it in three domains: mental,
emotional and physical. When you do this, you are effecting your entire
energy field, which effects your vitality of spirit. So there is a
fourth domain: a spiritual one. It is how you find meaning, energy and a
deep engagement with life. The ways we manage our mind is foundational
to vitality, which is why mindfulness practices are so popular today.
True mindfulness is about noticing what is being expressed in all these
domains, not just the mental one.
Today, I will focus on the mental domain. Tuesday – the emotional;
Wednesday – the physical, and Thursday – the spiritual. Friday we will
do our follow-up check-in. Mental – Replace your undesired thought
pattern with a different thought that will direct your subconscious mind
in the direction you want to shift it.
Let’s take my example of “the enoughs” – not having enough, being enough, doing enough. Last week I got clear on where this message came from and now I am
clear on how it has served me. It drives me to want to do more, have
more and be more. This thought sets the context for how I respond or
react to people or events. The positive is, I’m always striving to grow
and better myself. The downside is, it can foster exhaustion and a
chronic discontentment – to never be happy with who I am or where I am
at, what I am doing or what I have.
The key of your next messaging is to get clear on the shift you want
to create and craft a new mantra to say to yourself when the old message
surfaces. The word mantra refers to where you project (focus) your
mind. In crafting your message, ask yourself, how can I retain the
benefits of my message (in my case: be better, do/have what I need to),
without the downside (exhaustion and discontent)? Here are two possible
directions to change my thoughts:
1. To accept who I am, what I do and what I have as is: ENOUGH
Thoughts can change to:
I am enough.
I have enough.
I do enough.
The focus here is on appreciating what is, not changing anything
externally. Yet it results in external changes such as making decisions
that come from an orientation of being satisfied versus dissatisfied.
Or even more powerful shifts would be to replace the word enough with mantras like:
I love and accept myself exactly as I am.
I have abundance.
I serve in full ways.
2. To recognize that who I am, what I do or what I have is MORE THAN ENOUGH:
I am more than enough – I can ratchet myself back.
I do more than enough – I can take things off my plate.
I have more than enough – I purge and declutter at home (stuff) or at work (projects, emails).
The intent here is to have the thoughts change behavior.
Write down your mantra. Place it in a prominent place – on your
phone, on your desk, in your car, on your bathroom mirror. Say it
outloud and silently to yourself. Repetition is key. You are rewiring
your brain.
Your invitation this week, is to play with new messaging for
yourself, working it in all domains: mental, emotional, physical and
spiritual. What needs to shift in your life at work or at home? It
starts with you.
Why is it that we don’t always practice
what we know to be effective? Because we get caught up in the moment.
Because we are triggered by something and get in a reactive mode. I know
what works for me when I am triggered by something or someone is to
pause and breathe. Sometimes I do well with this practice. Sometimes I
don’t do so well.
When was the
last time someone pressed your buttons? Or you felt attacked? Or you
took things personally? Or things didn’t turn out the way you planned or
discussed with your co-worker, boss or spouse?
I’m guessing
this happens anywhere from one to twenty times a day. We have many
opportunities on a daily basis to do a mid-moment, course correction –
not just on “correcting other people” but on adjusting ourselves in how
we respond to what shows up.
I had this
experience today. I’ll just say, I intended to get clarity on why
something appeared the way it was. The person receiving my communication
felt criticized and attacked me back. I got triggered and was more
reactive than I could have been. I realized it would have been move
helpful for me to pause, take a breath or come back to it on another
day.
But then I
did what I tell my clients to do: debriefed with a trusted advisor,
reached out to follow up with the person to clear the air going forward,
and solidified my resolve to take space in the moment going forward,
enlisting support from those who know what I am working on.
Where do you get triggered? Who do you trust to help you stay focused on better managing yourself for better outcomes?
I work with people to unleash their passion and personal leadership. I
intend to practice what I preach. Fear often gets in the way.
Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Courage is more exhilarating than fear and
in the long run it is easier. We do not have to become heroes overnight.
Just a step at a time, meeting each thing that comes up, seeing it is
not as dreadful as it appeared, discovering we have the strength to
stare it down.”
There is a lot of fear circulating on the planet today in light of
the recent terrorist attacks. They have generated trauma and are
threatening people’s sense of safety and security. When in survival
mode, it is difficult to be calm and creative. Since this is the soup we
are all collectively swimming in, it can be hard not to be effected by
fear and feed it. The invitation is to find what is within your control
to effect and take tuned-in action. Tuned-in action is where you are
clear on what is within your sphere to influence, and listen with a
rational mind, trust your intuition and act.
We all have fears we manage on a daily basis – some large, some
insignificant. One of mine was coming up with generating enough content,
inspiration and time to write in this blog for 30 days. Instead of
backing off from the challenge or stopping, I got started and have been
committed to it. Here is what I am discovering – the more I move toward
it and work in this space, the more ideas come. Coming out of my
meditation this morning, my hand couldn’t move fast enough to jot down
ideas pouring out of my head.
What have you been afraid to do that you can get started on today? Take one step.
Monday I asked you to analyze your
conditioning – to explore where your repetitive thought pattern comes
from, what feelings you have about it and if it’s helpful or not. This a
lot to think about!
A significant thought pattern I’ve worked with in my life is “the
enoughs” (be enough, have enough, do enough). I received this message so
many times from so many sources in my life. The message in my family
growing up is we never had enough money. I grew up in an educational
system that was always sending messages I wasn’t enough or didn’t
measure up if I didn’t have all As on my report card. I grew up in a
religion that said I wasn’t acceptable enough – I was born bad and I had
to spend the rest of my life making up for it. I grew up in a culture
that said I always need more things – more food, more toys, more
friends, more of everything – to be okay – nothing was ever enough. I
went to work for companies that said I didn’t work hard enough or do
enough. I didn’t have to look to hard – I was flooded with this message
of “not enough.” Wow. It’s quite a mental beating in a way.
How did this serve me? It always had me striving – maniacally driving
myself – to do more, be more, have more. I am not a shopper but a
collector of books, travel and educational experiences. I could never
have enough knowledge or experience. Then one day, I realized how
exhausting this was and why I was never satisfied with where I was at,
or with myself.
I’ve been aware of, and have worked on this thought pattern for a quite a while now. It’s shifted substantially.
Well, I say now, enough IS enough! I can strive for more to an extent
that works for me, not what society says. I can strive to be more of
who I am meant to be, in a more sane way. I can accept myself just the
way I am, thank you.
Monday, I will talk more about how to go deeper with shifting and releasing a repetitive thought pattern.
I use the term energetic blueprint to refer to the imprinting you
have that effects your energy field. Your energy field is the
electromagnetic field that surrounds your body anywhere from 3-9 feet
around you. How large it is reflects how vital or strong your life force
is.
What you think, how you feel and what you put into, or on your body,
all effect this field (i.e., drugs, alcohol, food, sex). If you don’t
experience the right amount or quality of energy you want in your life,
exploring how you manage your personal energy field could be beneficial
for you.
What you think includes your mental model of the world – the rules
you have that govern how you view the world and live your life. Some are
unconscious and inherited by your conditioning, and some you
consciously chose. The more aware you are of what you believe, why you
believe it, and the effects these beliefs have on your emotions and your
body, the more choice you have to keep or change something.
Examples of inherited influences are your parents (obvious and most
profound), your schooling, religion, culture, and organizations for
which you work. Mental thought patterns effect how you feel. Thoughts
and emotions manifest in your body. Positive thoughts show up with ease
of movement and more energy to live your life. Negative thoughts show up
as undesired tension, illness, injury or disease. The word disease
literally means dis-ease. You are not at ease with something. There is
stress or tension in your body in a such a way that it creates secondary
effects that your body tries to heal. The body will naturally strive
toward equilibrium.
Ease or disease can start with a thought which then evokes an emotion
which then creates a physical manifestation. It sounds linear and clear
and clean but there may be back and forthing and overlap between these
domains – mental, emotional, physical. The totality of these domains
working synergistically create a vitality of spirit or strong
electromagnetic field.
In this clip, Tony Robbins is
able to help Kamilla become aware of the rules she has for her emotions
and other people, and the negative impact it has on her life. He
facilitates her awareness and shifts her energy. This is similar to the
work I do with my clients in helping them identify, shift and release
patterns in life or at work that are not serving them to enable greater
productivity, satisfaction or joy.
I have always considered myself to be a-political, but I am also
someone who fights for causes I believe in. Regardless of where you
stand on Obama’s position, or the situation in the Middle East and
Paris, here is what struck me about this clip:
The job of a leader is to hold and transform the anxiety that’s
coming at them from all directions: from the people they lead and those
they don’t lead, but who are watching closely.
The energy of anxiety is really about fear of the future. No one can
predict the future accurately 100% of the time – not even those who
claim to be psychic. A leader assesses the situation and makes his best
decision based upon the information he has in that moment. He never has
all the information he wants. Given the volatility and magnitude of
suffering in the world, a lot can change in a day, an hour, a minute.
During much of Obama’s challenging tenure, I have found his approach
to be inspiring. While I don’t always agree with where he lands, I do
find that he tries to view complex situations from many angles, using
logic and usually keeping a measured, calm exterior. These are
attributes you expect in a Chief Executive.
My intent is not to get into a political discussion, but to provoke
self-reflection – think about areas where you lead people in your life –
your family, your organization or your community. It’s easy to lead
when things are going well. The true test of leadership is in the most
challenging of times. People gladly try to push their own anxiety onto
others because it is so uncomfortable. And it’s easy to be critical of a
leader when you aren’t the one leading a very tense, difficult
situation.
When your own anxiety is high, it can be near impossible to be in a
wise, open, creative space, so self-management is key. How do you hold
and manage your own stress and that of others? What do you do to manage
your anxiety when the pressure is on? What do you do to reduce other
people’s anxiety, while giving them faith and hope in your proposed
direction?
While I have been writing in this blog twice a week for a couple
months now, for the next 30 days (December 17th), I am challenging
myself to write a post every day.
When I first committed to this, my negative mind kicked-in reeling
with messages: oh no! What will I write about? How will I get my other
work done? Can I really do this? What if I don’t do this – or miss some
days? I’ll figure it out. I’ll work it out. Yes. Life will go on.
Our negative mind serves us well in that it is our more primitive
brain, wired for survival. It’s designed to protect us from harm or
death. It worked well when we were hunting in the jungle. While life in
the workplace may feel like a jungle at times, rarely are we in physical
harm. Although psychological or emotional harm can happen, often it is
imagined.
I not only committed to do this to myself, but also to a blogger
community – and now you. Full disclosure. So I will! I’m up against the
conditioning of a thought pattern I am working with – What is enough?
Once I made, what I perceive to be, a huge commitment, I stopped
breathing and asked myself – do I really want to do this? What value
will this bring? For my audience – I aspire to provocative thought,
insight and practical tips on leadership, wellness and self management –
better managing your own energy for optimal outcomes. For myself –
strengthen my writing, creativity and resourcefulness muscles.
Words of Manic Monday by The Bangles and modified by Susan Shaner. Musician: Dan Brodax.
Where can you find the magic at work today?
Last week I asked you to notice your repetitive thought patterns.
This raises your awareness, without judgment, about the thoughts that
underlie your behavior.
I took it a step further and noted my thought pattern of “the
enoughs” (be enough, have enough, do enough) wasn’t helpful. In this
instance, when you identify a pattern that is not helpful or affirming, I
recommend shifting it. The next step in shifting it is to understand
the roots and the extensions of this thought.
The roots: Where does your thought pattern come from?
Most of the time, our thoughts are conditioned into us from external
sources that are always sending us messages about how to think or
behave, what’s acceptable, what we should want, etc. Often this
conditioning hits us at an unconscious level. There are layers to this
conditioning. Sources could be your parents, your family, the
environment you grew up in, the culture you grew up in or currently live
in, your schooling, your religion, the company or organization you work
for, the media and so on.
The extensions: What memories or associations do you have with this
thought? A thought evokes further thoughts or judgments or emotions. You
could think the thought is a good or bad one. The thought might makes
you happy, energized, angry or sad.
This week’s reflection: Explore and understand the thought pattern
you noticed last week more deeply by analyzing you conditioning – where
it originated from, and noting what subsequent thoughts or feelings
emerge from holding this thought. Is this thought pattern helpful to you
or not?
On Monday, I asked you to JUST NOTICE. NOTHING ELSE!
Nothing to do or not do.
Just notice your thoughts.
How hard is this and not do anything about them?
How hard is this – and then to manage the emotions that surface as a result of these thoughts?
Hard.
Which is why we often would rather “dumb down.”
Aka Not pay attention.
When we pay attention, we notice things that may be hard …
Or we don’t like…
Or we want to change…
Or, etc.
Thoughts can bring up anxiety, fears and all sorts of emotions and judgments.
For me, I noticed I still have some residual of a thought pattern I
have been working on for a while now. Sometimes these patterns can clear
completely and sometimes they linger and are part of an enduring life
lesson.
For me the recurring theme of thoughts had the word “enough” in it….
Be enough, have enough, do enough, earn enough, have enough stuff, etc…
It was all about needing more of something. Wow, that can be exausting –
to have it constantly running in the foreground or background of my
mind. At some level, always nagging me.
Guess what I learned? I’m not alone! I have company with family, friends and clients who are also playing this broken record.
Time to shift it!
On Monday we’ll talk about the next step in creating a shift…
Words of Manic Monday by The Bangles and modified by Susan Shaner. Musician: Dan Brodax.
Where can you find the magic at work today?
One of the most significant things I’ve learned is: 95% of our
thoughts are repetitive. We keep telling ourselves the same thing over
and over and over again. This one thought, or pattern of thinking, is
always working on us – either in the foreground or background of our
mind – consciously or unconsciously. This thinking pattern creates our
world – always moving us toward what it is we keep telling ourselves.
I’m a yoga and meditation teacher. This is not my day job but a
part-time vocation that supports me and my work as a leadership and
success coach. The tools enable me to live a more empowered life by
giving me more clarity, focus and peace everyday. Once I experienced
such benefits myself, I felt called to teach others. So, teaching was
not a goal I set out to accomplish. It emerged and evolved from my own
painful journey of learning how to define and achieve success on my
terms, not necessarily how society defines it.
My invitation to you is to work with this concept that your mind is
largely ruled by this one thought, or a pattern of thinking, that is
either serving you in where you want to go – or not. This is a
three-week journey we are embarking upon – a little experiment to make
headway in managing your mind to work more effectively for you.
This week’s assignment is to JUST NOTICE. Just notice what the
thought or thought pattern is. When your boss comes gives you a new
assignment…when your spouse throws a surprise at you…when you are
confronted with a challenge at home or at work…When you have nothing in
particular going on, where does your mind go?
Just NOTICE, nothing else. You may want to keep a notepad or journal
with you to take notes. At first, you may not notice a pattern – but
keep tracking and I’ll follow up and check-in Friday.
This week’s question: What conditioning supports or impedes you in accomplishing what you want?
Here’s is what I noticed with one of my clients who is struggling
with her leadership team. She really wants to be like, and for people to
love working for her. She feels her leadership team is holding her back
by not being proactive and not doing what they say they will do. So,
this week we explored the difference between being nurturing and holding
people accountable.
She said she didn’t have any female role models who could do both –
women are either too nurturing and pushovers or too firm and called
b—hes for being assertive. What does this story have to do with
conditioning? Everything! We have a cultural, collective conditioning
around gender stereotypes.
Why is it not okay for a woman leader to be
both nurturing and assertive in holding people accountable? How can
women do this? Of course this applies to men also – stereotypically men
are more comfortable in holding people accountable than being nurturing.
Keeping either men or women stuck in one of these ways of being is
not helpful. We need both men and women leaders to exercise both
characteristics – nurture and develop their people – but also be firm
and hold them accountable when they haven’t done something that they
need to do or the way in which they need to do it.
Another way to explore these two polarities is to wrestle with the
question how can you be liked and also be respected for making tough
decisions?
In the case of my client, She is making progress on her pattern of
not acting on what she knows she needs to do. Do you have a pattern of
behaving that is getting in the way of your success? Do you need help
replacing it with a more effective pattern? If so, I’d love to hear from
you and see how I can help.
Words of Manic Monday by The Bangles and modified by Susan Shaner. Musician: Dan Brodax.
Where can you find the magic at work?
Last week we talked about how terror makes you acutely aware of your
gap: how far you are from where you want to be. Today I am asking you to
analyze how your conditioning supports or impedes your ability to close
that gap. The belief that you can or can’t do something is a huge
factor in your success.
I always told my daughter she was smart and creative and if she
worked hard enough, she could do or be anything she set her mind to.
When she was 7 or 8 years old, she was trying to unfasten the bolt on
the handlebars on her bicycle so we could raise it. It was really stuck.
She began grunting and groaning trying with all her might to loosen it.
I tried and realized it was stronger than both of us. She pulled the
bike back from me. I asked her to let my friend, Dan, try as the bolt
was really stuck.
She wouldn’t let go of the bike. I said, “It’s too hard. Let him do it.”
She screamed in agonizing frustration, “NOOOO!!!! I can do it!!! You always told me I could do anything!”
Stopped in my tracks, my mind raced. She was resilient and
strong-willed – a good thing. How do I help her understand when to
persevere against all odds, when to accept help and when to accept the
limitations of her ability in an empowered way? Big questions for a
young girl and even bigger questions that we live with as adults.
My daughter is now a freshwoman at a highly competitive college, so
clearly she got past the defeat of the bicycle. Since, she and I have
had dozens of conversations about navigating what I call the discernment
space: how to know when you need to push forward – work harder, smarter
or be more disciplined – and when you need to let go and accept help or
give up and realize your limitations and cull the learnings to move
forward differently.
This week’s reflection question: What conditioning supports or impedes you in accomplishing what you want?
This week’s reflection: What do I notice about my body’s cues? How can I use the energy of terror in constructive ways?
Lately I’ve been taking risky and bold moves which can activate my
terror triggers. It showed up in my breath – stopped – or I was
breathing shallowly. My chest constricted, my shoulders were tense and I
had a lump in my throat. Once aware, I would breathe deeply for several
minutes, raise my arms and shake them. Changing my environment, getting
my body moving and taking a walk outside in the fresh fall air helped.
My mind then shifted perspective so the terror didn’t paralyze me,
just gripped my attention lifting the racing thoughts in my head. I
could better presence the moment, not racing into the future of “what
ifs.” That’s all fiction and my imagination.
Calmed, I got curious and asked myself – what is really going on? What am I really terrified of?
I also reached out to trusted confidantes to use them as a sounding
board & reality check. They reminded me of my strengths and
resources, grounding me back into the possible. Finally, I addressed
head-on that which I perceived to be the source of my terror – the chasm
between where I was and where I wanted to be. I saw three choices –
snap back to current reality and give up the aspiration, think about the
gap differently or strengthen the vision and resolve on the goal. I
ended the week having released & channeled some of this intensity
landing on the latter two.
In the words of Darren Hardy, “To be scared is to give up your power. Do what scares you. Gain your power back.”
Words of Manic Monday by The Bangles and modified by Susan Shaner. Musician: Dan Brodax.
Where can you find the magic at work this week?
This week I invite you to find the magic in an emotion that many people run from – terror.
Once we commit to a lofty goal or new relationship, and the reality
of what it will take to achieve success sinks in, we experience
excitement at it’s best, or stress, fear, panic or terror at it’s worst.
Terror comes from being out of your comfort zone – big time. It comes
from a feeling of being vulnerable or a perception of not being safe.
Our primitive brain is wired for survival and when we perceive a threat,
we go into protect mode – which is why our negative mind is so
powerful. It becomes not just a mental thing – but physiological: a
racing heartbeat and sweaty or cold and clammy palms, or perhaps some
sleepless nights. The more terror you feel, the more you are stretching.
The more you stretch, the more risk and potential for failure – or
unbridled success. Terror often appears when you are on the verge of a
breakthrough.
You may think “terror” is too dramatic. Sometimes at work we can get
in the left brain analytical mode and try and navigate matters from the
neck up only. Managing your personal energy means being honest with what
you are really experiencing. When we ignore our body’s cues we are
leaving out important information that can impede our progress.
Think of a specific situation: Has your boss given you a visible
assignment that you are not sure you can pull off? Maybe you are taking a
risk with a new product or market and your reputation is on the line.
Or perhaps you have taken a huge risk – financially, emotionally or
physically.
I invite you this week to notice what is going on beneath the surface
of what you present to people. How are you holding all that is on your
plate? What sensations show up in your body? What emotions are you
experiencing? Fear? Terror? What is the terror about? The benefit of
naming it is that you can channel that energy more constructively for a
clearer, more direct pathway forward.
This week’s reflection: What do you notice about your body’s cues
this week? How can you use the energy of terror in constructive ways?
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